One of "those" days...

Today i'm having to reach deep down inside to pull out some goodness- ya know, one of those days, where you wake up with an overwhelming feeling of sadness, or loneliness, or "what if's"... today is that day for me... so i'm having to buckle down, pray it away, and remember that the Creator of the Universe has called me CHOSEN- that i'm HIS daughter.  


The past few days have been intense for us.  Ava out of nowhere spiked a fever- it went from 101, to 102.7, to 103.6- and that was after staggering tylenol and motrin.  I had to figure out where to take her, since we haven't had a medical crisis while living her yet- some girlfriends in my hubby's shop gave me the details, along with my baby sister's genius computer skills, i found a hospital and headed there quick.  My concern stemmed from Ava's heart condition and her having dental work done last week.  People with heart conditions are at high risk for infection when it comes to dental work- its complicated and not super important to the point i'm trying to make- sooo... I get her to the ER and after a couple hours the doctor gives us some news.  She has an ear infection- but the bigger issue is her ginormous tonsils.  He then proceeds to ask a series of questions about snoring, allergies, how petite she is, is she delayed in school progress... then Ava chokes and stops breathing right there in the room in front of the doctor! She was exhausted and had fallen asleep.  The doctor shakes her and she readjusts herself and goes back to sleep- he says "do you know what just happened?" i say "well, she kind of was just snoring super loud and had to catch a good breathe and then she fell back asleep?".... the doctor then explains what has REALLY happened- and i proceed to feel like an idiot and a horrible sense of guilt begins to settle in the pit of my stomach and it felt as if a horse had just kicked me in my gut... Ava has been choking on her tonsils and has stopped breathing repeatedly for quite some time- we're talking at least 2 years that i can remember. Of course this entire time she has been seen my the lovely Air Force doctors who have never noticed that she has abnormally large tonsils, whether she is ill or not.  The doctor proceeds to explain that this medical issue can stunt a child's growth... awesome.... now it feels as if the horse was just replaced with an elephant and my heart is being stomped on!  Ava is now on antibiotics to get her body "clean" to prepare her for surgery- we are seeing ENT next week and from there she will be scheduled for surgery.  


This blog isn't just about venting- i realized something spectacular in the midst of all of this junk- God is still good!!! 


Most of you know that while living in Wyoming I was a hot mess- we're talking sick as a dog, almost 24-7.  I couldn't breathe- literally i was barely moving oxygen- I was exhausted most of the time, on upwards of 10 different meds daily...  


Fast forward to God's grace being poured over us and we are now in Florida- where i am well! I can breathe- i'm weaned off almost all my meds- i'm well on my way to being healthy! 


Praise God for allowing Ava's condition to come to light NOW, so that i'm in a position as her mommy to be able to give 100% to her recovery and rehabilitation! God is crazy and perfect and most days I yell and scream and don't agree with HIS timing, but ultimately, He knows exactly what He's doing!  


So even though, today is "one of those days", i'm still encouraged because i serve a God who is on the throne and at work in my life- even when i least deserve it, I am still HIS favorite- and so are you :)