One of my very best girlfriends came to visit me from San Antonio for a week- it was wonderful... she’s lovely and it was fantastic to see her and hang out...
On the way back from the airport Thomas and I had a conversation that was 8 years in the making...
There are things from my past that are shameful and sad and had burdened me since the very day I knew I loved my Sexy... So we had a conversation about forgiveness...
He knew about the things that pained me from long ago, they were just never an issue to him... however they have been breaking my heart for years now...
It is beyond me why of all the people in this big world, I end up with one of the most beautiful human beings that ever existed... I get the pleasure of growing old with this man... He loves me. For me. Wow.
Forgiveness is a precious thing... God’s forgiveness is there for the taking... you have but to ask for it... HIS grace humbles me.
I realized that the person I was seeking forgiveness from wasn’t God, it wasn’t Sexy, it was me...
It’s so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that God’s love for me is truly unconditional. That it is so big it can’t be contained... That the moment I asked for HIS forgiveness, it was forgiven. That the hurt and shame i’ve been carrying for years is because of me- I let the enemy convince me that there was grace and mercy for everyone but ME... That even though HE forgave it, it was so awful that I in some way continued to internally punish myself for it...I suppose there are many people who feel that way... Who feel like the horrible thing they have done is the one thing God can’t forgive or that HE does forgive it, but HE carries around the disappointment just like we do...
I wish i’d had this conversation 8 years ago... but I didn’t. Maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated HIS grace and love as much back then as I do now...
I always wondered what people felt when they proclaimed to have a "freedom in Christ"... I can see the warm glow from the light at the end of my tunnel... and it is magnificent...
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