Gone July 20, 2007

i keep waiting for it to get easier... for it to not hurt so much... to be able to look at your picture and not cry...

i'm not handling you being gone very well...when people ask how I am, I give the standard polite answer, "i'm fine and you?" when really I just want to say "my brother died. he was my best friend. he left behind a wife and 2 daughters. my entire family is lost and hurting. how the hek do you think i'm doing???"

I look at your pictures and I just want to scream and yell at the top of my lungs "its not fair!!!!!"

Dad just hasn't been the same... he can barely say your name without weeping...

I catch Jordon curled up in a ball in his room sobbing and crying out for you...

I often find myself just going through the motions of day to day stuff... just trying to get to tomorrow without a major crying episode...

I've asked God several times why... I haven't gotten an answer yet... or maybe I have... i'm not sure I could hear Him amidst all my heart ache...

I can feel you all around me... watching over us...being the guardian angel you were *i guess* always meant to be...

I see you in Ava's eyes... its comforting to look into those big pretty eyes...

I love you big brother... I miss you...