Today I was reminded by special little boy, that life is far too short to be wallowing in the pool of bitterness, anger, jealousy, doubt *insert your word of choice here*...
Roo doesn't filter things the same way everyone else does. Does he get angry? Is the incredible Hulk green??? Of course he does. Does he sometimes let stuff just fly out of his mouth? yup- sure does. But guess what else he does? Immediately after he feels like he's hurt someone, he runs up to them, most times sobbing, and throws his arms around that person and begs for forgiveness, all the while telling them how very sorry he is for hurting them. WOW. And then, he just moves on. He doesn't really carry grudges, or throw junk back in your face after its over with, he just goes on and keeps on living.
I want to be like Roo. He's just a child, but because God's gifted him with these supernatural beautiful qualities, It is I, his mother, who is constantly learning from him.
Are you hung up on self pity, or doubt, or anger or bitterness, or even unforgiveness? Let it go- letting it go takes away its power and eases your burden... soothe your soul- come on get happy...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
theCanvasStory
I have a dear friend named Heather Marshall. She's the kind of woman that those sappy friendship movies are made of. She's tough, and funny, smart and loyal, kind and stubborn, generous and silly, and boy does she love Jesus.
She's decided to make a difference in this world. Some of us donate to food pantries. Some of us volunteer at shelters. Those things are important and desperately needed... but then there's Heather- She's decided to take on the fight against human trafficking. God laid it on her heart to do something extraordinary- something more than she thought she could- He challenged her to step outside of her own little world and OBEY. And she did. And she is. And she's making a difference.
Please check out her website and get inspired. What is it that God has in store for you? Stop thinking about it and just do something. Heather did, and now the world will be a better place because of it.
http://thecanvasstory.com/
She's decided to make a difference in this world. Some of us donate to food pantries. Some of us volunteer at shelters. Those things are important and desperately needed... but then there's Heather- She's decided to take on the fight against human trafficking. God laid it on her heart to do something extraordinary- something more than she thought she could- He challenged her to step outside of her own little world and OBEY. And she did. And she is. And she's making a difference.
Please check out her website and get inspired. What is it that God has in store for you? Stop thinking about it and just do something. Heather did, and now the world will be a better place because of it.
http://thecanvasstory.com/
Living
So yesterday at church, one of the most amazing things happened. A woman walked up to me, said she had heard we were looking for a second car, and that she wanted to GIVE us one. I looked back at her and said "what did you just say?" She just smiled, and I burst into tears! She said her daughter was blessed by her grandparents with a brand new vehicle, and she would like for us to have her 2002 Hyundai. I just kept crying, and I've cried off and on ever since.
My God is good. Not just because He gave us a car. He just is. We've been praying about what to do about needing a second vehicle... we thought about going to a dealership, but we didn't want the debt. We've looked on craigslist, but nothing jumped out at us... we felt like God's answer was "sit tight, and wait". Not my favorite answer- that one's a hard one for me. But we waited, and now we have a car, no debt attached to it, driven by a church family, well loved, and now its ours!
We were so blessed to have been given a car to drive in the mean time by our dear friends the Burton's. Words can't express the love I have for these people. They opened up their home to us for 2 weeks while we were house hunting here, and they have continued to be so generous and kind to our family. They are a huge piece of my heart.
God is slowly unfolding our life here in Florida... and its magnificent. He brought us to the most amazing ministry and we are honored to get to be a part of the team there. He's surrounded us with friends and mentors who love and challenge us daily... He's given us a beautiful home that we constantly get to use to glorify Him. He has settled in our children, and they absolutely love their life here now.
We are living out our happily ever after. Thomas and I are incredibly blessed to have the life we do. God has touched us with so much favor and blessing, and we don't take that lightly. We aren't perfect, but we love our Lord and we strive to be a reflection of Christ's love wherever we go. We are so thankful to be living this spectacular life that He's given us.
Psalm 67:1-2
May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations.
My God is good. Not just because He gave us a car. He just is. We've been praying about what to do about needing a second vehicle... we thought about going to a dealership, but we didn't want the debt. We've looked on craigslist, but nothing jumped out at us... we felt like God's answer was "sit tight, and wait". Not my favorite answer- that one's a hard one for me. But we waited, and now we have a car, no debt attached to it, driven by a church family, well loved, and now its ours!
We were so blessed to have been given a car to drive in the mean time by our dear friends the Burton's. Words can't express the love I have for these people. They opened up their home to us for 2 weeks while we were house hunting here, and they have continued to be so generous and kind to our family. They are a huge piece of my heart.
God is slowly unfolding our life here in Florida... and its magnificent. He brought us to the most amazing ministry and we are honored to get to be a part of the team there. He's surrounded us with friends and mentors who love and challenge us daily... He's given us a beautiful home that we constantly get to use to glorify Him. He has settled in our children, and they absolutely love their life here now.
We are living out our happily ever after. Thomas and I are incredibly blessed to have the life we do. God has touched us with so much favor and blessing, and we don't take that lightly. We aren't perfect, but we love our Lord and we strive to be a reflection of Christ's love wherever we go. We are so thankful to be living this spectacular life that He's given us.
Psalm 67:1-2
May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Welcome to Holland
A friend shared this with me and I wept. I wept like i haven't wept in a long while. I needed to be reminded of the beautiful blessing i've been given with Roo- and the amazing task I've been given by God to raise my special little boy...
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Mama's Day (Mother's Day)
This past weekend I took a last minute trip to Missouri to see my mama graduate from college...I had no idea before hand that I'd be going- I found out late Thursday night and was on a plane at 6am the next morning. My weekend getaway was all kinds of amazing.
First of all, let me just say, that being at a graduation is pure bliss. On a much grander scale, I think Heaven will be a bit like a graduation. Just stick with me for a minute- there is so much love in that place. Every single person who attends a graduation is there by choice, because of their love and admiration for the person graduating. You can feel the joy in the room- grandparents weeping, moms and dads cheering and smiling the biggest smiles they've smiled up to that point. Its a beautiful thing.
As a daughter, to get to witness this most momentous occasion in my mama's life- it was magical. It was surreal and so strange to be bursting with such pride for my parent- but I was. My mama grew up poverty stricken, raised by a single parent in a poor country. She beat the odds- she is the first in her family to graduate college. AND she did it at the "young" age of 56! Being there, watching her walk up to get her diploma, it brought back so many wonderful memories from my childhood... I remember being 5 years old, standing on my parents bed, hand over my heart, reciting the pledge of allegiance over and over again, helping my mama to memorize it so she could pass her citizenship test. I remember being in the back seat of the car, when her girlfriend helped teach her how to drive... I remember how proud she was when she finally became an "American".
Not many people can say that they know someone who TRULY embodies God's description of a virtuous woman... but I call her mama. She is gracious, compassionate, funny, a true servant and above all else, she is follower of Jesus Christ, always putting HIM first in her life. I'm blessed beyond measure that she is my mother...
I pray daily that my own children will love and cherish and respect me even a tiny bit as much as I do my mama... if they do, then I've done a wonderful job as a parent.
Mahal Kita Mama
Love Always- Angy
First of all, let me just say, that being at a graduation is pure bliss. On a much grander scale, I think Heaven will be a bit like a graduation. Just stick with me for a minute- there is so much love in that place. Every single person who attends a graduation is there by choice, because of their love and admiration for the person graduating. You can feel the joy in the room- grandparents weeping, moms and dads cheering and smiling the biggest smiles they've smiled up to that point. Its a beautiful thing.
As a daughter, to get to witness this most momentous occasion in my mama's life- it was magical. It was surreal and so strange to be bursting with such pride for my parent- but I was. My mama grew up poverty stricken, raised by a single parent in a poor country. She beat the odds- she is the first in her family to graduate college. AND she did it at the "young" age of 56! Being there, watching her walk up to get her diploma, it brought back so many wonderful memories from my childhood... I remember being 5 years old, standing on my parents bed, hand over my heart, reciting the pledge of allegiance over and over again, helping my mama to memorize it so she could pass her citizenship test. I remember being in the back seat of the car, when her girlfriend helped teach her how to drive... I remember how proud she was when she finally became an "American".
Not many people can say that they know someone who TRULY embodies God's description of a virtuous woman... but I call her mama. She is gracious, compassionate, funny, a true servant and above all else, she is follower of Jesus Christ, always putting HIM first in her life. I'm blessed beyond measure that she is my mother...
I pray daily that my own children will love and cherish and respect me even a tiny bit as much as I do my mama... if they do, then I've done a wonderful job as a parent.
Mahal Kita Mama
Love Always- Angy
Monday, May 9, 2011
John Deere Green...
I'm currently sitting on my parents porch with a cappuccino at my side, laptop in hand, taking in the midwest summer breeze... my mama put up a couple different wind chimes and they are going back and forth making the most melodious of sounds, one after the other as if to say "your turn, see if you can top that." I can see a magnificent green grass for acres and acres... the fish are jumpin' in the lake taunting me to come and catch em'... in this moment i'm totally and completely overwhelmed by the grace and love of my Father in Heaven.
He created all of this. For me and for you. The care he took in perfecting the birds chirp, or the majesty in which he formed the mighty oak tree... i'm in awe- and so very humbled that he loved me so much that He- the God of the Universe- would pay such attention to the details.
There are moments in life when nothing is wrong in the world...and the peace that surpasses all understanding wraps me up like a warm blanket, and I just sit back and enjoy the blessing...today is one of those days.
Your sister in Christ Jesus~
Angy
He created all of this. For me and for you. The care he took in perfecting the birds chirp, or the majesty in which he formed the mighty oak tree... i'm in awe- and so very humbled that he loved me so much that He- the God of the Universe- would pay such attention to the details.
There are moments in life when nothing is wrong in the world...and the peace that surpasses all understanding wraps me up like a warm blanket, and I just sit back and enjoy the blessing...today is one of those days.
Your sister in Christ Jesus~
Angy
Friday, May 6, 2011
Foodie Friday :) French Onion Soup
Hello friends! I've been waiting for this all week.... the first post for Foodie Friday!
This week's meal was French onion soup.... Mimi's Cafe style!
I was inspired by a girls date I had with my two girlfriends, Sarah & Tina- we had coffee and headed to Mimi's for a delicious lunch... I had their famous French onion soup- I started thinking about how I could recreate this for my family... and here we are!
I started out by slicing up 4 yellow onions and gently caramelizing them over low heat in a drizzle of some good quality olive oil. Next I added half of a finely chopped garlic, 3 stalks of chopped celery and 1 tbs. of sugar- I continued to sautee all these ingredients until the onions were almost translucent and totally caramelized. Salt and pepper to taste.
In a stock pot bring 8 cups of broth, beef and chicken, to a rolling boil- you can use equal parts of both broths, or if you life just use beef... I found that using both types of broth gave the soup a super intense flavor :0) Most online French onion soup recipes call for vermouth or white wine, but I had reisling on hand, so guess what I used? REISLING! Add 2 cups of whatever sweet(ish) wine that you have on hand and lower heat.
Let the stock mixture simmer for a few minutes and add the onion mixture and continue to stir till all ingredients have blended well.
Let the soup simmer on low while you get the yummy bread part of the recipe started! I used texas toast- most recipes ask you to use a crusty baguette, but texas toast is more cost effective and works just as great. Brown your toast or frozen garlic bread or whatever you decide to use- and set aside.
Spoon soup into bowls and add one piece of your toast or bread right on top of soup and generously sprinkle with cheese- I used mozzarella, but Gruyère or fresh Parmesan would work just as good- make sure your bread is piping hot so the cheese melts nicely- next..... SERVE IT UP!
The verdict for this recipe was pretty awesome- the kids liked it a lot- which totally surprised me, the hubby said and I quote "this is really really good. really good!" And I have to agree, I tweaked the recipe some, it wasn't exactly like Mimi's but it was pretty darn tasty!
What restaurant meals have you always wanted to recreate? What are you waiting for, get creative and get it done! Happy eating!
This week's meal was French onion soup.... Mimi's Cafe style!
I was inspired by a girls date I had with my two girlfriends, Sarah & Tina- we had coffee and headed to Mimi's for a delicious lunch... I had their famous French onion soup- I started thinking about how I could recreate this for my family... and here we are!
I started out by slicing up 4 yellow onions and gently caramelizing them over low heat in a drizzle of some good quality olive oil. Next I added half of a finely chopped garlic, 3 stalks of chopped celery and 1 tbs. of sugar- I continued to sautee all these ingredients until the onions were almost translucent and totally caramelized. Salt and pepper to taste.
In a stock pot bring 8 cups of broth, beef and chicken, to a rolling boil- you can use equal parts of both broths, or if you life just use beef... I found that using both types of broth gave the soup a super intense flavor :0) Most online French onion soup recipes call for vermouth or white wine, but I had reisling on hand, so guess what I used? REISLING! Add 2 cups of whatever sweet(ish) wine that you have on hand and lower heat.
Let the stock mixture simmer for a few minutes and add the onion mixture and continue to stir till all ingredients have blended well.
Let the soup simmer on low while you get the yummy bread part of the recipe started! I used texas toast- most recipes ask you to use a crusty baguette, but texas toast is more cost effective and works just as great. Brown your toast or frozen garlic bread or whatever you decide to use- and set aside.
Spoon soup into bowls and add one piece of your toast or bread right on top of soup and generously sprinkle with cheese- I used mozzarella, but Gruyère or fresh Parmesan would work just as good- make sure your bread is piping hot so the cheese melts nicely- next..... SERVE IT UP!
The verdict for this recipe was pretty awesome- the kids liked it a lot- which totally surprised me, the hubby said and I quote "this is really really good. really good!" And I have to agree, I tweaked the recipe some, it wasn't exactly like Mimi's but it was pretty darn tasty!
What restaurant meals have you always wanted to recreate? What are you waiting for, get creative and get it done! Happy eating!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Train Up a Child...
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Why must being the parent of a teenager (or a parent in general) be so stinkin' hard? Teenagers think they know everything don't they? They think they are invincible and that the world "owes" them something... the world does owe them something- a swift kick in the butt!
Have you ever discovered who someone truly was and were completely and totally shocked by it? Well I have- and my jaw is still on the ground...
Parenting is hard. The older my four children get, the smarter my own parents become.
I have no idea how they loved me and had patience with me and didn't kill me despite the horrid awful teenager I was... but i'm so thankful that after every terrible decision I made, they were still waiting for me with arms wide open...(sometimes after a spanking or being grounded, but arms wide open none the less)
Teenagers say things to their parents that cut like a knife- and I don't know about you, but I knew what I was doing and saying was insane- but I just didn't care. Sometimes things would fly out of my mouth and I desperately wished I could take them back, but because I was so stubborn and full of pride, I thought "oh well, nothing I can do to change that now."
Is being a total jerk at 13 and 14 a rite of passage? And who decided that it was? That person should be smacked!
Even though parenting for me is especially hard right now, I am a firm believer in God's holy word. I know deep in my spirit that my God is faithful and He is on the throne. He tells me that if I raise my children according to His word, His values, to be a child full of love and integrity... that when they are older, they will come back to the ways of Christ... that promise is worth enduring this storm...
thanks for listening :)
love-Angy
Why must being the parent of a teenager (or a parent in general) be so stinkin' hard? Teenagers think they know everything don't they? They think they are invincible and that the world "owes" them something... the world does owe them something- a swift kick in the butt!
Have you ever discovered who someone truly was and were completely and totally shocked by it? Well I have- and my jaw is still on the ground...
Parenting is hard. The older my four children get, the smarter my own parents become.
I have no idea how they loved me and had patience with me and didn't kill me despite the horrid awful teenager I was... but i'm so thankful that after every terrible decision I made, they were still waiting for me with arms wide open...(sometimes after a spanking or being grounded, but arms wide open none the less)
Teenagers say things to their parents that cut like a knife- and I don't know about you, but I knew what I was doing and saying was insane- but I just didn't care. Sometimes things would fly out of my mouth and I desperately wished I could take them back, but because I was so stubborn and full of pride, I thought "oh well, nothing I can do to change that now."
Is being a total jerk at 13 and 14 a rite of passage? And who decided that it was? That person should be smacked!
Even though parenting for me is especially hard right now, I am a firm believer in God's holy word. I know deep in my spirit that my God is faithful and He is on the throne. He tells me that if I raise my children according to His word, His values, to be a child full of love and integrity... that when they are older, they will come back to the ways of Christ... that promise is worth enduring this storm...
thanks for listening :)
love-Angy
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Overhaul!!!
so i've been doing this "blog" think for just a bit... and i'm already antsy!!! i'm feelin' the need to do a complete overhaul...
if any of you ever followed me on myspace (it sounds so weird to say that!) you might remember how ridiculously indecisive i was about sticking to a layout or design... I won't be that spastic here, but i do want
to do something that reflects me a little more :)
yayay! stay tuned!
love-angy
if any of you ever followed me on myspace (it sounds so weird to say that!) you might remember how ridiculously indecisive i was about sticking to a layout or design... I won't be that spastic here, but i do want
to do something that reflects me a little more :)
yayay! stay tuned!
love-angy
Monday, May 2, 2011
Foodie Friday :)
Hello friends! Stay tuned because starting this Friday, I will be posting a fun, different & yummy family friendly meal- main course, sides, desserts and I will include pics. Every meal i post will be something that I have made for my family that week! And I will even be brave and include how they felt about the meal! LOL This should be fun, and hopefully it will inspire you to get a little creative in the kitchen and try something different! Its going to interesting to try a new recipe every week, but i'm up for the challenge! Join me and lets have some fun!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
crazy for coupons!
So, we don't have cable, but i hear everyone talking about this show that follows "extreme couponers". I'll admit it- i'm totally jealous. I want to be that person. When i see the ladies (and men) at the grocery stores with their binders and folders and they have a coupon for virtually everything, I look at them and see them with a big red cape on, standing in that famous superhero pose. I want to be like that! I mean who doesn't? To buy $400 worth of groceries for $3.25 is freaking amazing to me! (okay that might be exaggerating)
I decided to look into this extreme couponing thing, and it looks fairly easy. I mean I have a college degree, i've raised 4 kids, run childrens ministries- how hard can couponing be right? WRONG! There is alot to it!
I've started with registering to a couple different websites that offer printable coupons. Here are a couple that I liked:
http://www.couponmom.com/
http://www.couponnetwork.com/
Next, I made my grocery list according to my menu- yes i do a 2 week menu. I shop for groceries every pay day which equals out to roughly every 2 weeks- I've found over the past few years, that if i shop with a menu in hand it cuts out on the temptation of just throwing stuff in the cart according to what my tummy is grumbling for! Seriously, this works- and besides that, you don't have to worry about what to make for meals- you know ahead of time, and if you're anything like me, you are totally annoyed at the same question every day "mom what's for dinnnnnnnner?" I have a menu posted on a dry erase board in my kitchen and I haven't been bugged by this question in a very very long time :0) Anyhow, back to the topic at hand- coupons...so now that i have my grocery list, I went through the websites and local paper ads and clip and print coupons on the things that I will be buying. Can I just say that i've never been more excited to grocery shop! I can't wait to try this out! I'm sure I will get better at this with time, and if you follow my blog, i will most definitely report back to you with my savings!
Extreme couponer? hmm maybe not- yet!
Love- Angy
I decided to look into this extreme couponing thing, and it looks fairly easy. I mean I have a college degree, i've raised 4 kids, run childrens ministries- how hard can couponing be right? WRONG! There is alot to it!
I've started with registering to a couple different websites that offer printable coupons. Here are a couple that I liked:
http://www.couponmom.com/
http://www.couponnetwork.com/
Next, I made my grocery list according to my menu- yes i do a 2 week menu. I shop for groceries every pay day which equals out to roughly every 2 weeks- I've found over the past few years, that if i shop with a menu in hand it cuts out on the temptation of just throwing stuff in the cart according to what my tummy is grumbling for! Seriously, this works- and besides that, you don't have to worry about what to make for meals- you know ahead of time, and if you're anything like me, you are totally annoyed at the same question every day "mom what's for dinnnnnnnner?" I have a menu posted on a dry erase board in my kitchen and I haven't been bugged by this question in a very very long time :0) Anyhow, back to the topic at hand- coupons...so now that i have my grocery list, I went through the websites and local paper ads and clip and print coupons on the things that I will be buying. Can I just say that i've never been more excited to grocery shop! I can't wait to try this out! I'm sure I will get better at this with time, and if you follow my blog, i will most definitely report back to you with my savings!
Extreme couponer? hmm maybe not- yet!
Love- Angy
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Let's be honest...
My girlfriend Michelle stopped by the house this morning after walking all the kids to the bus stop... we were chit chatting in the dining room with Summer (my 13 year old) and the subject of snakes came up. Summer went on and on about how she spent the night at her friends house last week and that friend had a snake that escaped while she was there- she said she was completely terrified and it totally freaked her out that a snake was on the loose. Then Summer shared a story that had me crying from laughing so hard. She told Michelle that when she was a toddler, myself and her Uncle Josh took her to the zoo in Minot and we lied to her and told her there was a spider monkey in an aquarium, we lifted her up to see it and at that very same moment a snake struck the glass in that aquarium, not a monkey at all. I vividly remember said incident- and truthfully, it made me laugh just as hard all these years later, as it did the day it happened. And yes, I purposefully told her there was a spider monkey in that aquarium knowing it was a snake. And yes, I knew that she hated snakes, and yes I was hoping for some sort of reaction that would nearly make me pee my pants from the hilarity.
Does this make me a bad person?
Be honest- have you never done something at the expense of your kids just to get a good laugh?
I know those sick people exist- i've seen the videos on youtube! (and i have laughed til my belly hurt!)
these are some of my favorites:
My point is, we've all done it- in some form or fashion... whether its jumping out from around a corner and yelling boo, or waking your children up with a chainsaw- I think its just one of the many privileges and blessings that come from being a parent...
Now go and plan out your next prank- I know you're thinking of one :)
Does this make me a bad person?
Be honest- have you never done something at the expense of your kids just to get a good laugh?
I know those sick people exist- i've seen the videos on youtube! (and i have laughed til my belly hurt!)
these are some of my favorites:
My point is, we've all done it- in some form or fashion... whether its jumping out from around a corner and yelling boo, or waking your children up with a chainsaw- I think its just one of the many privileges and blessings that come from being a parent...
Now go and plan out your next prank- I know you're thinking of one :)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Calling...
Deut. 15:10-11 You shall give to him freely, and your heart shall not be grudging when you give to him, because for this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake. For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’
Prov. 19:17 Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.
James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Isaiah 58:6-14 "This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places "If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. "If you watch your step on the Sabbath and don't use my holy day for personal advantage, If you treat the Sabbath as a day of joy, God's holy day as a celebration, If you honor it by refusing 'business as usual,' making money, running here and there - Then you'll be free to enjoy God! Oh, I'll make you ride high and soar above it all. I'll make you feast on the inheritance of your ancestor Jacob." Yes! God says so!
I've been feeling a stirring. God is doing a work in me and I can't ignore it. There is a pretty little phrase that is being flippantly thrown around in the Church today: Be the hands and feet of Jesus. I agree, wholeheartedly, but what does that really mean? I don't think many people know, or care. It's just become a catch phrase- Christianese- the Sunday school answer.
But think about it- "Be the hands and feet of Jesus." Not the mouth, not the heart, not the mind- although those things are important too- but the HANDS and FEET, that is calling us to DO something, to physically do "something".
To me, its not just a pretty saying. Its a challenge- a command. Jesus didn't just sit on the temple steps and just tell everyone the good news. He didn't just hear about the needs of the people and offer up a prayer to the Father. He didn't just "feel" broken hearted for the lost, dying, hungry & poor- it didn't just "move" Him to tears...
Jesus was a doer. He walked through the dusty roads, crowds in tow, teaching & preaching. When He learned of desperate needs, He sought those people out and changed their lives. He went to the places that no one else would, He spoke to the people that everyone else had forgotten, He LOVED the ones who were the most unlovable.
If Jesus Christ is the perfect example of what our Father in Heaven asks of us, and desires from us in our life on earth, then the phrase "be the hands and feet of Jesus" should become much more than just a phrase. It seems to me that it should be a call to action. If you consider yourself a Christian, a follower of Christ, then your heart should be wrecked by the needs of the people all around you. Poverty, and homelessness and the hungry, and those who don't know of Jesus- those things should be absolutely devastating to you- it should bring you to your knees, it should cause you to cry out to the Creator of the universe on their behalf. It should overflow your heart with compassion, and grace. It should burden your spirit and cause you to be a doer too.
The King of Kings, the Lamb of God, the Great I am... He passionately loves each and every one of us. He has generously given each of us giftings and talents to be used to grow His kingdom. We may not all be great at doing the same things, but we can't ignore, that as children of God, we have an undeniable calling that is the same- we are one body, one Church, one heart- and God has called us to be His hands and feet.
He is stirring me... go to a quiet place, and humbly bring yourself before the throne of God- i think you'll find that He is stirring you too...
Grace & Blessings,
Angy
Calling...
Deut. 15:10-11 You shall give to him freely, and your heart shall not be grudging when you give to him, because for this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake. For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’
Prov. 19:17 Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.
James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Isaiah 58:6-14 "This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places "If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. "If you watch your step on the Sabbath and don't use my holy day for personal advantage, If you treat the Sabbath as a day of joy, God's holy day as a celebration, If you honor it by refusing 'business as usual,' making money, running here and there - Then you'll be free to enjoy God! Oh, I'll make you ride high and soar above it all. I'll make you feast on the inheritance of your ancestor Jacob." Yes! God says so!
I've been feeling a stirring. God is doing a work in me and I can't ignore it. There is a pretty little phrase that is being flippantly thrown around in the Church today: Be the hands and feet of Jesus. I agree, wholeheartedly, but what does that really mean? I don't think many people know, or care. It's just become a catch phrase- Christianese- the Sunday school answer.
But think about it- "Be the hands and feet of Jesus." Not the mouth, not the heart, not the mind- although those things are important too- but the HANDS and FEET, that is calling us to DO something, to physically do "something".
To me, its not just a pretty saying. Its a challenge- a command. Jesus didn't just sit on the temple steps and just tell everyone the good news. He didn't just hear about the needs of the people and offer up a prayer to the Father. He didn't just "feel" broken hearted for the lost, dying, hungry & poor- it didn't just "move" Him to tears...
Jesus was a doer. He walked through the dusty roads, crowds in tow, teaching & preaching. When He learned of desperate needs, He sought those people out and changed their lives. He went to the places that no one else would, He spoke to the people that everyone else had forgotten, He LOVED the ones who were the most unlovable.
If Jesus Christ is the perfect example of what our Father in Heaven asks of us, and desires from us in our life on earth, then the phrase
Prov. 19:17 Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.
James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
Isaiah 58:6-14 "This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places "If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. "If you watch your step on the Sabbath and don't use my holy day for personal advantage, If you treat the Sabbath as a day of joy, God's holy day as a celebration, If you honor it by refusing 'business as usual,' making money, running here and there - Then you'll be free to enjoy God! Oh, I'll make you ride high and soar above it all. I'll make you feast on the inheritance of your ancestor Jacob." Yes! God says so!
I've been feeling a stirring. God is doing a work in me and I can't ignore it. There is a pretty little phrase that is being flippantly thrown around in the Church today: Be the hands and feet of Jesus. I agree, wholeheartedly, but what does that really mean? I don't think many people know, or care. It's just become a catch phrase- Christianese- the Sunday school answer.
But think about it- "Be the hands and feet of Jesus." Not the mouth, not the heart, not the mind- although those things are important too- but the HANDS and FEET, that is calling us to DO something, to physically do "something".
To me, its not just a pretty saying. Its a challenge- a command. Jesus didn't just sit on the temple steps and just tell everyone the good news. He didn't just hear about the needs of the people and offer up a prayer to the Father. He didn't just "feel" broken hearted for the lost, dying, hungry & poor- it didn't just "move" Him to tears...
Jesus was a doer. He walked through the dusty roads, crowds in tow, teaching & preaching. When He learned of desperate needs, He sought those people out and changed their lives. He went to the places that no one else would, He spoke to the people that everyone else had forgotten, He LOVED the ones who were the most unlovable.
If Jesus Christ is the perfect example of what our Father in Heaven asks of us, and desires from us in our life on earth, then the phrase
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Warning: the following blog talks about "lady stuff"... men beware
aging gracefully... sounds blissful doesn't it? what does that even mean? so as my 34th birthday hunts me down like a pack of wild hyenas after the Lion King, i'm finding myself thinking about this phrase "aging gracefully" more and more... i'm almost losing sleep over it... i'm realizing that i feel like i'm the total opposite of said phrase and its making me a grumpy pants :/
case in point: this morning i was on the computer, checking emails, fb'ing, reading the news- my normal morning stuff, when all of a sudden i hear music- it's the song i have as my mamma's ringtone, so i thought she was calling. So i jump up from the computer desk, I nearly break a hip because the handle of the chair is wedged underneath the glass desk, all the while balancing out a flat screen monitor that nearly topples over, i dart towards the bedroom, and realize my phone is in my hand- and its not ringing! I walk back to the computer and the song that was playing was from the music player on my blog. If this were any other day, i may have laughed till i peed my pants, but today isn't just any day. Today is Wednesday, and i've been thinking about this getting older business for several days now. So today, when i almost destroyed the computer area by leaping out of my seat as graceful as a geriatric gazelle, the situation at hand was not funny- not funny at all.
do you ever feel like you are losing your mind?
do you walk into a room, full speed ahead, on a mission- and then spend the next 15 minutes trying to remember what that oh so important mission was?
do you run around your house frantically looking for keys that are in your hand or your pocket?
have you ever dialed a phone number, the person answers and you blank out- you forgot who you called?
Gosh i hope its not just me... i'm going to choose to blame all of this on menopause... 33 year olds aren't suppose to be thrust into this wonderful stage of life, til they are a seasoned older woman- i didn't have a choice- my inside lady parts decided to revolt and because they have a medical degree, and mine is in criminal justice- i decided to listen to my doctors and opt for a total hysterectomy... so here i am. a 33 year old who feels like a 70 year old. hot flashes, short term memory loss, taking my shot of metamucil every morning, boobs that are heading south faster than a college student trying to get to Cancun for spring break... ughhhh.
I have a blessed life, so i'm not going to complain "too" much ;) its just that, i feel way too young to be going through some of these things, and this is my blog- so i can write whatever i want!
Thank you for listening to me rant- but if you want to make me feel better, leave a comment assuring me that what i'm going through is just a phase, or just stress from moving, or blame it on menopause or just say something witty that will make me giggle...
love- Angy
case in point: this morning i was on the computer, checking emails, fb'ing, reading the news- my normal morning stuff, when all of a sudden i hear music- it's the song i have as my mamma's ringtone, so i thought she was calling. So i jump up from the computer desk, I nearly break a hip because the handle of the chair is wedged underneath the glass desk, all the while balancing out a flat screen monitor that nearly topples over, i dart towards the bedroom, and realize my phone is in my hand- and its not ringing! I walk back to the computer and the song that was playing was from the music player on my blog. If this were any other day, i may have laughed till i peed my pants, but today isn't just any day. Today is Wednesday, and i've been thinking about this getting older business for several days now. So today, when i almost destroyed the computer area by leaping out of my seat as graceful as a geriatric gazelle, the situation at hand was not funny- not funny at all.
do you ever feel like you are losing your mind?
do you walk into a room, full speed ahead, on a mission- and then spend the next 15 minutes trying to remember what that oh so important mission was?
do you run around your house frantically looking for keys that are in your hand or your pocket?
have you ever dialed a phone number, the person answers and you blank out- you forgot who you called?
Gosh i hope its not just me... i'm going to choose to blame all of this on menopause... 33 year olds aren't suppose to be thrust into this wonderful stage of life, til they are a seasoned older woman- i didn't have a choice- my inside lady parts decided to revolt and because they have a medical degree, and mine is in criminal justice- i decided to listen to my doctors and opt for a total hysterectomy... so here i am. a 33 year old who feels like a 70 year old. hot flashes, short term memory loss, taking my shot of metamucil every morning, boobs that are heading south faster than a college student trying to get to Cancun for spring break... ughhhh.
I have a blessed life, so i'm not going to complain "too" much ;) its just that, i feel way too young to be going through some of these things, and this is my blog- so i can write whatever i want!
Thank you for listening to me rant- but if you want to make me feel better, leave a comment assuring me that what i'm going through is just a phase, or just stress from moving, or blame it on menopause or just say something witty that will make me giggle...
love- Angy
Thursday, March 17, 2011
spontaneous combustion
First and foremost, I MUST give praise to my God- He is so good to us- to me- to my family. The best decision i have ever made was giving my life to Christ 11 years ago.
Some pretty amazing things have been happening in our household!
There is a true hero, a man by the name of Troy Yocum, he is a disabled Iraq Vet, and he hikes across the US to raise awareness, and funds, for military families and veterans. His website can be found here: www.drumhike.com He has partnered with a wonderful organization called "Wish Upon a Hero". Troy grants "wishes" to military families. I went to their website, made a wish- and Troy hand picked us to have that wish granted. http://www.wishuponahero.com/wishes/?id=869083 thats the link to the wish i made... In less than 3 days, Troy was able to raise over a $1000 and his foundation purchased a giant playset for Roo from Lowes! Its being delivered in just a few days. Just yesterday, Troy and his wife and their 2 adorable dogs, pit stopped in Orlando to speak at the American Legion and meet our family. Roo was a big part of yesterday's event and even got up in front of the crowd and read a thank you letter that he wrote to Mr. Troy.
As the events of the day unfolded, my heart was heavy- i was feeling burdened for veterans specifically. I couldn't shake that feeling all day long... I've been praying so hard that God will tell me what to do with my free time while the kiddos are in school- I want to productive, I want to be impactful, I want to reflect Jesus to people in a meaningful way... I'm passionate about missions and serving- this I know. It takes some people their entire lives to figure out what their "destiny" is, but i've known mine since I was a little girl. But yesterday, God did something in my spirit- in my heart- HE revealed to me, that I can combine my passions and have a real impact on His kingdom... When we think of missions, we all picture going overseas- feeding the hungry in Africa, building water tanks in Nicaragua, preaching to the lost in India- those kinds of things- but God has done this new thing in me, He has changed my view of what "missions" is- FOR ME. It is still all those overseas things, but beyond that, anything outside the doors of my own home is a mission field! Some of you may be thinking "duh Angy"! Well, sometimes, i'm slow, or rebellious, or just don't pay attention, and it takes me a little longer to come to these conclusions :)
After hearing the staggering statistics about the suicide rate of Veterans sky rocketing year after year, and hearing stories of soldiers, young and old, coming home from the war and not be able to reintegrate into every day life due to the horrific things they've seen and been through... it all came together for me... and it happened in front of a room full of people and it was so overwhelming that all i could do was weep... It happened yesterday while our countries National Anthem was being sung at the Hike for Our Heroes event.
It is no coincidence that out of every place i've ever lived, right here in Florida has the biggest need in regards to Veteran homelessness. There are serving opportunities everywhere, and more than that, I can still be a missionary by reflecting Jesus to those I serve and helping to build God's kingdom through service and servanthood.
It baffles me daily, that God chooses to use me in any way- it is humbling to know that the Creator of the Universe wants to use me in His perfect plan... I'm so excited to begin this new adventure, and to be an ambassador of Jesus while doing what I love to do!
The very first event I will be volunteering at is taking place this Saturday- Thomas and I will serve side by side at the Cocoa National Guard Armory- the link for that event is here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=157458184305049
Praise God for His mercy, for His grace- for having patience for people like me who a take little longer than others do, to figure out what magnificent thing He has in store for them...
What is it that God is stirring your heart to do? Share your blessing and leave a comment :)
Some pretty amazing things have been happening in our household!
There is a true hero, a man by the name of Troy Yocum, he is a disabled Iraq Vet, and he hikes across the US to raise awareness, and funds, for military families and veterans. His website can be found here: www.drumhike.com He has partnered with a wonderful organization called "Wish Upon a Hero". Troy grants "wishes" to military families. I went to their website, made a wish- and Troy hand picked us to have that wish granted. http://www.wishuponahero.com/wishes/?id=869083 thats the link to the wish i made... In less than 3 days, Troy was able to raise over a $1000 and his foundation purchased a giant playset for Roo from Lowes! Its being delivered in just a few days. Just yesterday, Troy and his wife and their 2 adorable dogs, pit stopped in Orlando to speak at the American Legion and meet our family. Roo was a big part of yesterday's event and even got up in front of the crowd and read a thank you letter that he wrote to Mr. Troy.
As the events of the day unfolded, my heart was heavy- i was feeling burdened for veterans specifically. I couldn't shake that feeling all day long... I've been praying so hard that God will tell me what to do with my free time while the kiddos are in school- I want to productive, I want to be impactful, I want to reflect Jesus to people in a meaningful way... I'm passionate about missions and serving- this I know. It takes some people their entire lives to figure out what their "destiny" is, but i've known mine since I was a little girl. But yesterday, God did something in my spirit- in my heart- HE revealed to me, that I can combine my passions and have a real impact on His kingdom... When we think of missions, we all picture going overseas- feeding the hungry in Africa, building water tanks in Nicaragua, preaching to the lost in India- those kinds of things- but God has done this new thing in me, He has changed my view of what "missions" is- FOR ME. It is still all those overseas things, but beyond that, anything outside the doors of my own home is a mission field! Some of you may be thinking "duh Angy"! Well, sometimes, i'm slow, or rebellious, or just don't pay attention, and it takes me a little longer to come to these conclusions :)
After hearing the staggering statistics about the suicide rate of Veterans sky rocketing year after year, and hearing stories of soldiers, young and old, coming home from the war and not be able to reintegrate into every day life due to the horrific things they've seen and been through... it all came together for me... and it happened in front of a room full of people and it was so overwhelming that all i could do was weep... It happened yesterday while our countries National Anthem was being sung at the Hike for Our Heroes event.
It is no coincidence that out of every place i've ever lived, right here in Florida has the biggest need in regards to Veteran homelessness. There are serving opportunities everywhere, and more than that, I can still be a missionary by reflecting Jesus to those I serve and helping to build God's kingdom through service and servanthood.
It baffles me daily, that God chooses to use me in any way- it is humbling to know that the Creator of the Universe wants to use me in His perfect plan... I'm so excited to begin this new adventure, and to be an ambassador of Jesus while doing what I love to do!
The very first event I will be volunteering at is taking place this Saturday- Thomas and I will serve side by side at the Cocoa National Guard Armory- the link for that event is here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=157458184305049
Praise God for His mercy, for His grace- for having patience for people like me who a take little longer than others do, to figure out what magnificent thing He has in store for them...
What is it that God is stirring your heart to do? Share your blessing and leave a comment :)
Friday, March 11, 2011
starting from scratch....
You all know (and love) our special little boy Roo... He is UNIQUE! We have been dealing with doctors for the past few years trying to get a solid diagnosis so that we can help him be more successful in school and in life- if you don't know what the problem is, how can you find the solution right? Roo has had undergone a slew of tests since he was 5 years old. He's gone from doctor to doctor each agreeing on certain aspects of what the bigger issue with him is, some of them disagreeing and proposing different theories... However today- today we saw a real doctor. A doctor who REALLY listened- who really observed- who asked tons of questions and cared about our answers- who actually conversated with Roo and spent time with him. A doctor who thoroughly went over every single piece of his medical history and listened to our concerns.
I've been dreading/anticipating this appointment for the past several days- I literally did not sleep last night- I laid in bed staring at the ceiling going through different scenarios of what the next morning would be like. Wondering how the appointment would go, wondering how this doctor would be any different than all the others- and praying- praying out loud to God that He would have His hand in every second of the appointment and that He would direct this doctor to the proper outcome in regards to Roo and his diagnosis... And HE did.
A handful of doctors and counselors have been testing Roo for autism- we were all so sure that he was more specifically in the category of Aspergers- as any parent of a child with special needs, you know that you don't just go to a doctor or two and "tada" you have the answer. This whole thing has been a process- a LONG, exhausting, emotional process.
So today- walking into that doctor's office, my hope didn't lie in the hands of that doctor, my hope was in Jesus. I just wanted to find out what makes my sweet little boy so special.
Today we learned that Roo suffers from a severe anxiety disorder, and a mild form of Tourette syndrome. We were already aware of his OCD, and ADHD but these new diagnosis were quite a shock.
Roo has "tics", but I always thought that was a part of his OCD & the aspergers- those things can sometimes go hand in hand...
Anxiety? Really? of all the things, Anxiety? So as this brilliant doctor is explaining these things to Thomas and I, I have an overwhelming sense of peace- and I just wanted to burst into tears all at the same time.
Do you have any idea how much time, effort and energy i've spent researching autism? The countless hours i've spent on the phone with school boards, and superintendents, and guidance counselors- the back to back IEP meetings... and now- we start from scratch.... *sigh*
This entire time we could have been learning strategies to help Roo with what the real issue is...
I'm frustrated, and excited, and relieved all at once.
Thank you to every single one of you have loved Roo despite his differences- who have invested time with him, who have cultivated relationships with my little guy, and especially to those of you have consistently lifted him up in prayer-
I'm so thankful to serve a God who is faithful and sovereign and who loves Roo even more than I do- which is something i cannot even begin to comprehend. I cried out to Jesus and He heard me and we are on our way to getting the right kind of help for my baby boy.
I've been dreading/anticipating this appointment for the past several days- I literally did not sleep last night- I laid in bed staring at the ceiling going through different scenarios of what the next morning would be like. Wondering how the appointment would go, wondering how this doctor would be any different than all the others- and praying- praying out loud to God that He would have His hand in every second of the appointment and that He would direct this doctor to the proper outcome in regards to Roo and his diagnosis... And HE did.
A handful of doctors and counselors have been testing Roo for autism- we were all so sure that he was more specifically in the category of Aspergers- as any parent of a child with special needs, you know that you don't just go to a doctor or two and "tada" you have the answer. This whole thing has been a process- a LONG, exhausting, emotional process.
So today- walking into that doctor's office, my hope didn't lie in the hands of that doctor, my hope was in Jesus. I just wanted to find out what makes my sweet little boy so special.
Today we learned that Roo suffers from a severe anxiety disorder, and a mild form of Tourette syndrome. We were already aware of his OCD, and ADHD but these new diagnosis were quite a shock.
Roo has "tics", but I always thought that was a part of his OCD & the aspergers- those things can sometimes go hand in hand...
Anxiety? Really? of all the things, Anxiety? So as this brilliant doctor is explaining these things to Thomas and I, I have an overwhelming sense of peace- and I just wanted to burst into tears all at the same time.
Do you have any idea how much time, effort and energy i've spent researching autism? The countless hours i've spent on the phone with school boards, and superintendents, and guidance counselors- the back to back IEP meetings... and now- we start from scratch.... *sigh*
This entire time we could have been learning strategies to help Roo with what the real issue is...
I'm frustrated, and excited, and relieved all at once.
Thank you to every single one of you have loved Roo despite his differences- who have invested time with him, who have cultivated relationships with my little guy, and especially to those of you have consistently lifted him up in prayer-
I'm so thankful to serve a God who is faithful and sovereign and who loves Roo even more than I do- which is something i cannot even begin to comprehend. I cried out to Jesus and He heard me and we are on our way to getting the right kind of help for my baby boy.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
One of "those" days...
Today i'm having to reach deep down inside to pull out some goodness- ya know, one of those days, where you wake up with an overwhelming feeling of sadness, or loneliness, or "what if's"... today is that day for me... so i'm having to buckle down, pray it away, and remember that the Creator of the Universe has called me CHOSEN- that i'm HIS daughter.
The past few days have been intense for us. Ava out of nowhere spiked a fever- it went from 101, to 102.7, to 103.6- and that was after staggering tylenol and motrin. I had to figure out where to take her, since we haven't had a medical crisis while living her yet- some girlfriends in my hubby's shop gave me the details, along with my baby sister's genius computer skills, i found a hospital and headed there quick. My concern stemmed from Ava's heart condition and her having dental work done last week. People with heart conditions are at high risk for infection when it comes to dental work- its complicated and not super important to the point i'm trying to make- sooo... I get her to the ER and after a couple hours the doctor gives us some news. She has an ear infection- but the bigger issue is her ginormous tonsils. He then proceeds to ask a series of questions about snoring, allergies, how petite she is, is she delayed in school progress... then Ava chokes and stops breathing right there in the room in front of the doctor! She was exhausted and had fallen asleep. The doctor shakes her and she readjusts herself and goes back to sleep- he says "do you know what just happened?" i say "well, she kind of was just snoring super loud and had to catch a good breathe and then she fell back asleep?".... the doctor then explains what has REALLY happened- and i proceed to feel like an idiot and a horrible sense of guilt begins to settle in the pit of my stomach and it felt as if a horse had just kicked me in my gut... Ava has been choking on her tonsils and has stopped breathing repeatedly for quite some time- we're talking at least 2 years that i can remember. Of course this entire time she has been seen my the lovely Air Force doctors who have never noticed that she has abnormally large tonsils, whether she is ill or not. The doctor proceeds to explain that this medical issue can stunt a child's growth... awesome.... now it feels as if the horse was just replaced with an elephant and my heart is being stomped on! Ava is now on antibiotics to get her body "clean" to prepare her for surgery- we are seeing ENT next week and from there she will be scheduled for surgery.
This blog isn't just about venting- i realized something spectacular in the midst of all of this junk- God is still good!!!
Most of you know that while living in Wyoming I was a hot mess- we're talking sick as a dog, almost 24-7. I couldn't breathe- literally i was barely moving oxygen- I was exhausted most of the time, on upwards of 10 different meds daily...
Fast forward to God's grace being poured over us and we are now in Florida- where i am well! I can breathe- i'm weaned off almost all my meds- i'm well on my way to being healthy!
Praise God for allowing Ava's condition to come to light NOW, so that i'm in a position as her mommy to be able to give 100% to her recovery and rehabilitation! God is crazy and perfect and most days I yell and scream and don't agree with HIS timing, but ultimately, He knows exactly what He's doing!
So even though, today is "one of those days", i'm still encouraged because i serve a God who is on the throne and at work in my life- even when i least deserve it, I am still HIS favorite- and so are you :)
The past few days have been intense for us. Ava out of nowhere spiked a fever- it went from 101, to 102.7, to 103.6- and that was after staggering tylenol and motrin. I had to figure out where to take her, since we haven't had a medical crisis while living her yet- some girlfriends in my hubby's shop gave me the details, along with my baby sister's genius computer skills, i found a hospital and headed there quick. My concern stemmed from Ava's heart condition and her having dental work done last week. People with heart conditions are at high risk for infection when it comes to dental work- its complicated and not super important to the point i'm trying to make- sooo... I get her to the ER and after a couple hours the doctor gives us some news. She has an ear infection- but the bigger issue is her ginormous tonsils. He then proceeds to ask a series of questions about snoring, allergies, how petite she is, is she delayed in school progress... then Ava chokes and stops breathing right there in the room in front of the doctor! She was exhausted and had fallen asleep. The doctor shakes her and she readjusts herself and goes back to sleep- he says "do you know what just happened?" i say "well, she kind of was just snoring super loud and had to catch a good breathe and then she fell back asleep?".... the doctor then explains what has REALLY happened- and i proceed to feel like an idiot and a horrible sense of guilt begins to settle in the pit of my stomach and it felt as if a horse had just kicked me in my gut... Ava has been choking on her tonsils and has stopped breathing repeatedly for quite some time- we're talking at least 2 years that i can remember. Of course this entire time she has been seen my the lovely Air Force doctors who have never noticed that she has abnormally large tonsils, whether she is ill or not. The doctor proceeds to explain that this medical issue can stunt a child's growth... awesome.... now it feels as if the horse was just replaced with an elephant and my heart is being stomped on! Ava is now on antibiotics to get her body "clean" to prepare her for surgery- we are seeing ENT next week and from there she will be scheduled for surgery.
This blog isn't just about venting- i realized something spectacular in the midst of all of this junk- God is still good!!!
Most of you know that while living in Wyoming I was a hot mess- we're talking sick as a dog, almost 24-7. I couldn't breathe- literally i was barely moving oxygen- I was exhausted most of the time, on upwards of 10 different meds daily...
Fast forward to God's grace being poured over us and we are now in Florida- where i am well! I can breathe- i'm weaned off almost all my meds- i'm well on my way to being healthy!
Praise God for allowing Ava's condition to come to light NOW, so that i'm in a position as her mommy to be able to give 100% to her recovery and rehabilitation! God is crazy and perfect and most days I yell and scream and don't agree with HIS timing, but ultimately, He knows exactly what He's doing!
So even though, today is "one of those days", i'm still encouraged because i serve a God who is on the throne and at work in my life- even when i least deserve it, I am still HIS favorite- and so are you :)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
40 before 40 :) (inspired by a friends blog titled "50 before 50"
So i was watching a show the other day and one of the character's said his age out loud- and i caught myself gasping... he said he was 36... you ever heard of the term "aha moment"? Well i had a "fall of the couch" moment! In April of this year i will be 34! In just 6 years i will be 40! Whoa! In my early teen years i had all these hopes and dreams and fantasies of where I wanted my life to be when i was an "old" lady of 40... The realization of my getting older is causing me to reflect on that "list" i once had... some of those things were silly, some not so silly... some of those things i'm actually living out, and some of those items I can happily check off my list... I wanted to be blissfully, happily married- check! I wanted to have 6 children- ummm, i'm totally okay with the 4 wonderful kiddos i have- so check! I wanted to have a degree of some sort- check! I wanted to be living somewhere tropical- check! (sorta!) I wanted to run a marathon- that one is a work in progress, I wanted to go on an overseas mission trip-check! I wanted to visit the Philippines with my family- I'll be actively working on that one!
I've decided to put a new "list" together- thought i'd share some of it with you- I love putting things out into cyber world for all to see- it gives me a sense of being held accountable to what i say... just some things i would like to accomplish before the big 40th birthday hits- so here it is:
*to have a real honeymoon/vacation with just me and the Sexy
*to have run a marathon- no matter how fast or slow, but to just complete it!
*to successfully coordinate a large group mission trip overseas and see that project to completion
*to be comfortable enough in my own skin to sport a swimsuit at the beach (not the moo moo kind)
*to at least begin the process to publish my first children's book
*to fluently learn to speak the native language of my dearest Lola, and to have a real conversation with her in that language
*to be at a place financially that we can tithe more than just 10% of our income
*to build a meaningful relationship with my big brother's daughters- my sweet nieces, no matter how much it may hurt
*to go on a cruise with my Hogan bunch, my parents and my siblings and their families...
*to memorize and be able to recite 50 scriptures verses ("Jesus wept" doesn't count)
*to have served *at least* once a month at some sort of outreach project with my children
those are just a few...
so i'm curious... what would be on your list? care to share a couple?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Inspired.
Today a dear friend did a very brave thing.... without going into too much detail, this wonderfully amazing person i've known since i was a kid, took a leap of faith, and decided to get her life back on track by going into a 7 month long rehab program...
Several days ago, I had this profound dream where i felt like God was revealing things to me in the most loving of ways... I was watching family outing taking place, i could see myself, my kids, the Sexy, my entire family was there- many of my friends... but the insane thing was- the Angy that i was looking at had my face, my crazy curly hair, my signature dimples- but the body didn't match- this person was beautiful- ... I remember being confused at first, and sort of distressed in my dream- as i was watching this beautiful, loving family engage in laughter and conversation, I couldn't figure out why the person I thought was me, wasn't me- but just as i was really feeling overwhelmed by the emotion of what i was seeing, I felt the presence of Jesus just wash over me. There were no words exchanged between Him and I- He "spoke" to me heart, my spirit and I understood. I was looking at the woman that He sees me as.
For those of you who know me very very well- you've probably heard my testimony of being a recovering bulimic. But just because that addiction/illness doesn't hold me bondage anymore, doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with self esteem issues. I'm a woman. I'm a woman who's married to an unbelievably dashing and handsome man- I live in Florida and on a daily basis see women jogging in bikinis and spandex... I'm a woman.
So back to my the first part of the story- my friend reached out to me yesterday and simply said "You are the most spiritual person I know, and I just wanted to ask you if you would keep me in your prayers as I check myself into rehab. I'm scared, but i'm so excited for this new beginning." wow.
God's been stirring my spirit for a long while now about the way i treat the temple that houses his Holy spirit- MY BODY. He revealed something profound to me in this dream, and then a few days later my dear friend reaches out to me in this way.
I love how God is a God of second chances... He's lovingly showing me that He wants me to make changes, and I'm going to obey.
Tonight I ran. Not far- not fast- but I ran. And I will keep running- and I will make better choices when it come to my "temple"...
I don't expect anyone to follow or read this blog... its mostly just for me- to keep me accountable- to give me a place to vent- and praise- and express...
So here goes... I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!
A Gift... July 20, 2009
I recieved the most wonderful gift today. My sister in law Patty, sent a package to my parents house. Inside were many of my big brother's most treasured possesions...
His winter fireman's coat... leather saddlebags from his Harley... several of his leather riding coats... chaps... and a raggedy t-shirt that means the world to me...
A couple weeks before my brother died, we got matching tattoos... when it was my turn to get inked, i realized i was going to have to rip apart my shirt to get it to go down around my waist so i could get tatted up... it was either that or disrobe completely, and being the big brother that he was, TJ was absolutely not letting me take my top off! So he gave me the shirt off his back and ripped out the shoulder and basically turned it into a tube top for me... when he passed away, more than anything, I wanted that shirt. It symbolized so much to me... how loving he was, how giving, how silly, how protective of me as his baby sister... I needed that shirt.
Two years, and many many tears later, I have the shirt. I could feel Jesus wrapping his arms around me as I pulled that shirt out of the box. Have you ever felt that? That feeling is indescribable...
I grabbed one of his favorite leather coats and ran my fingers over the dirt and mud... I put my hands in one of the pockets and felt something... then as if to tell my daddy how much he loves him- out fell my brother's purple bandana... still stinky and crumbled up and tied perfectly to fit around his head... wow. My mamma and daddy just hugged each other tightly and sobbed.
My dad put on one of my brother's coats and nearly collapsed with emotion... I held my daddy as we both wept... there were some tears of sorrow- but there were many tears of joy- and tears of relief- but mostly there were tears because God is sovereign- and He gave us a gift today that will have a huge part in healing this family... finally.
To Patty: Thank you so very much for sending that box. It means everything to us. I will be forever grateful to you for parting with those items...
His winter fireman's coat... leather saddlebags from his Harley... several of his leather riding coats... chaps... and a raggedy t-shirt that means the world to me...
A couple weeks before my brother died, we got matching tattoos... when it was my turn to get inked, i realized i was going to have to rip apart my shirt to get it to go down around my waist so i could get tatted up... it was either that or disrobe completely, and being the big brother that he was, TJ was absolutely not letting me take my top off! So he gave me the shirt off his back and ripped out the shoulder and basically turned it into a tube top for me... when he passed away, more than anything, I wanted that shirt. It symbolized so much to me... how loving he was, how giving, how silly, how protective of me as his baby sister... I needed that shirt.
Two years, and many many tears later, I have the shirt. I could feel Jesus wrapping his arms around me as I pulled that shirt out of the box. Have you ever felt that? That feeling is indescribable...
I grabbed one of his favorite leather coats and ran my fingers over the dirt and mud... I put my hands in one of the pockets and felt something... then as if to tell my daddy how much he loves him- out fell my brother's purple bandana... still stinky and crumbled up and tied perfectly to fit around his head... wow. My mamma and daddy just hugged each other tightly and sobbed.
My dad put on one of my brother's coats and nearly collapsed with emotion... I held my daddy as we both wept... there were some tears of sorrow- but there were many tears of joy- and tears of relief- but mostly there were tears because God is sovereign- and He gave us a gift today that will have a huge part in healing this family... finally.
To Patty: Thank you so very much for sending that box. It means everything to us. I will be forever grateful to you for parting with those items...
Weird Al & butt wiping? Jan 1, 2009
I've been knitting alot lately and it has given me the opportunity to sit back and just listen to the ridiculously silly conversations that take place in the insane asylum known as the casa de Hogan...
for example, tonight after a yummy dinner of homemade tortilla soup, some friends were playing the wii with ava rolling around in the room making hissing noises. Bruce says to Ava "you must be a vampiress." Andrew then says "The only way to kill a vampire is to stab it with its own tooth- and that's a fact." "Bruce says- first of all- it can't be a fact, they don't exist- but everyone knows you only kill a vampire by driving a steak through its heart- preferably a sirloin."
Being a stay at home mom is amazing... I get loved on 24-7... a couple weeks ago Roo comes into my room with his guitar and says "mommy i have a song for you." He then starts to strum his guitar while singing the song Falling Slowly...its one of my favorites...
Then the other day I wake up to this tickling on my cheek- it was Ava giving me butterfly kisses with her eyelashes...
The day after Christmas I caught Summy in a kid friendly chat room telling her friends that God blessed her family with the best Christmas ever...
And then there's Jordon- he still hugs me and gives me a big ole smooch before he leaves the house- in front of his friends!
Then theres my big Sexy.. he's the funniest person i know... we have so much fun together- people tell us that its not healthy that we don't fight- i say poo on them! He's my bestfriend- I love and respect him tremendously- we have such a blessed life...
I'm currently listening to a house full of people gettin jiggy to Weird Al- there's laughter, love and a small child yelling for someone to please wipe their butt... what else could you ask for?
happy new year ya'll! love and blessings always!
for example, tonight after a yummy dinner of homemade tortilla soup, some friends were playing the wii with ava rolling around in the room making hissing noises. Bruce says to Ava "you must be a vampiress." Andrew then says "The only way to kill a vampire is to stab it with its own tooth- and that's a fact." "Bruce says- first of all- it can't be a fact, they don't exist- but everyone knows you only kill a vampire by driving a steak through its heart- preferably a sirloin."
Being a stay at home mom is amazing... I get loved on 24-7... a couple weeks ago Roo comes into my room with his guitar and says "mommy i have a song for you." He then starts to strum his guitar while singing the song Falling Slowly...its one of my favorites...
Then the other day I wake up to this tickling on my cheek- it was Ava giving me butterfly kisses with her eyelashes...
The day after Christmas I caught Summy in a kid friendly chat room telling her friends that God blessed her family with the best Christmas ever...
And then there's Jordon- he still hugs me and gives me a big ole smooch before he leaves the house- in front of his friends!
Then theres my big Sexy.. he's the funniest person i know... we have so much fun together- people tell us that its not healthy that we don't fight- i say poo on them! He's my bestfriend- I love and respect him tremendously- we have such a blessed life...
I'm currently listening to a house full of people gettin jiggy to Weird Al- there's laughter, love and a small child yelling for someone to please wipe their butt... what else could you ask for?
happy new year ya'll! love and blessings always!
Just let go... Dec 1, 2008
I hate it when people say to me that i need to just "let him go". WTFlip??? are you serious? he wasn't a favorite dress... he's not a dead goldfish... he's my freaking brother. he was my best friend. my hero. the person in my life that i looked up to the very most. and i'm suppose to just "let him go"...
yes- i understand that he's gone and he's not ever coming back. now what? am i just suppose to tuck my grief away in a dark closet and jump right back into my life???
and don't give me the "he wouldn't want you to be so sad" speech... i'm sure he wouldn't want me to be so sad- but i'm sure he also didn't plan on dying and leaving me without my big brother.
i've become a pro at putting on a happy face when i'm out and about- but then i get home and i have to face my pain... its devastating.. its overwhelming... its exhausting..
i'm freaking broken. i'm so lost without him. i cry about everything- especially about him. i want him back. how am i suppose to live the rest of my life without him?
Whats the buzz... Nov 26, 2008
Tonight was one of the most spectacular nights of my entire life. I got to be a part of someone's dream coming true.
Anyone who knows Sexy is well aware of his love for the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar".
For several years I have been searching for a show to go to, but they have always been way too far away. (new york).
Well this year Jesus Christ Superstar went off broadway and came to Colorado~! So for our anniversary I suprised Sexy and bought us tickets. Not just any tickets- 2nd row tickets!
I've been excited for months now, but today I was just flippin bursting!
So we walk into the theatre and we are shown to our seats- not only were we 2nd row- we were 2nd row in the orchestra pit. (I could have reached up and touch the actors, but I didn't want to get kicked out) We sat down and Sexy just stared at the stage and I could see how excited he was- we ended up sitting next to a guy who is a huge fan of the musical too- he actually played guitar for several shows! So after chatting a bit the lights dimmed and the music started- we grabbed each other's hands and just looked at each other with these huge smiles on our goofy faces... When Jesus came out onto the stage we both got super misty eyed (okay we were crying)...
I can't describe the feeling of watching someone elses dream come true... it was so beautiful...
Anyway- so i have to get up at the hiney crack of dawn to start my trip to Missouri, but i just wanted to share a little about our evening with ya'll!
Have a yummy Thanksgiving~!
Anyone who knows Sexy is well aware of his love for the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar".
For several years I have been searching for a show to go to, but they have always been way too far away. (new york).
Well this year Jesus Christ Superstar went off broadway and came to Colorado~! So for our anniversary I suprised Sexy and bought us tickets. Not just any tickets- 2nd row tickets!
I've been excited for months now, but today I was just flippin bursting!
So we walk into the theatre and we are shown to our seats- not only were we 2nd row- we were 2nd row in the orchestra pit. (I could have reached up and touch the actors, but I didn't want to get kicked out) We sat down and Sexy just stared at the stage and I could see how excited he was- we ended up sitting next to a guy who is a huge fan of the musical too- he actually played guitar for several shows! So after chatting a bit the lights dimmed and the music started- we grabbed each other's hands and just looked at each other with these huge smiles on our goofy faces... When Jesus came out onto the stage we both got super misty eyed (okay we were crying)...
I can't describe the feeling of watching someone elses dream come true... it was so beautiful...
Anyway- so i have to get up at the hiney crack of dawn to start my trip to Missouri, but i just wanted to share a little about our evening with ya'll!
Have a yummy Thanksgiving~!
Kids, Kitchen, Politics July 9, 2008
The following conversation took place in our kitchen today... it was silly, and serious, and ridiculous and I almost peed my pants... so I thought i'd share...
Summer: jordon could you get the rest of the ranch outta the bottle for me?
Jordon: ummm... let me think- NO!
Summer: Geez Jordon!
Jordon: Shut up Summer!
Daddy: Guys knock it off! Fight about something worthwhile- Jordon you go off and vote for Obama- Summer you go and vote for McCain- then come back to the table and argue about that.
Jordon: I like Obama.
Mommy: What? If you could vote who would you vote for?
Jordon: heck yes- I'd vote for Obama.
Daddy: ***gives Jordon huge high five smiling proudly
Rueben: What's an Obama?
Summer: Are you serious? You would vote for Obama? I don't think he believes in God.
Mommy: ***feeling a little light headed blurts out "I will not raise a democrat!"
Rueben: What's a democrat?
Ava: Can I just get another corndog!!!
Daddy: okay guys, keep fighting, I gotta get to work.
Jordon: I think Obama is a good guy- I think he will make lots of good changes.
Summer: I'm pretty sure I heard he could be a muslim and I think that means he worships that really fat guy that is always laughing.
Mommy: ***almost choking on her tater tot*** I think you mean Buddha... Buddha is the really fat guy- Muslims worship Allah.
Jordon: Ahah???
Mommy: No! not ahah, Allah...
Summer: Mommy who are you voting for?
Mommy: No one- they all suck. If my vote is my voice, then I choose not to speak.
Jordon: Good- then don't vote and then Obama will become president and I will laugh.
Summer: I like Huckabee. Why can't he be president?
Mommy: Because he didn't create enough buzz...
Ava: I want to be president so I can have another corndog.
Everyone: ***laughs hysterically
Summer: jordon could you get the rest of the ranch outta the bottle for me?
Jordon: ummm... let me think- NO!
Summer: Geez Jordon!
Jordon: Shut up Summer!
Daddy: Guys knock it off! Fight about something worthwhile- Jordon you go off and vote for Obama- Summer you go and vote for McCain- then come back to the table and argue about that.
Jordon: I like Obama.
Mommy: What? If you could vote who would you vote for?
Jordon: heck yes- I'd vote for Obama.
Daddy: ***gives Jordon huge high five smiling proudly
Rueben: What's an Obama?
Summer: Are you serious? You would vote for Obama? I don't think he believes in God.
Mommy: ***feeling a little light headed blurts out "I will not raise a democrat!"
Rueben: What's a democrat?
Ava: Can I just get another corndog!!!
Daddy: okay guys, keep fighting, I gotta get to work.
Jordon: I think Obama is a good guy- I think he will make lots of good changes.
Summer: I'm pretty sure I heard he could be a muslim and I think that means he worships that really fat guy that is always laughing.
Mommy: ***almost choking on her tater tot*** I think you mean Buddha... Buddha is the really fat guy- Muslims worship Allah.
Jordon: Ahah???
Mommy: No! not ahah, Allah...
Summer: Mommy who are you voting for?
Mommy: No one- they all suck. If my vote is my voice, then I choose not to speak.
Jordon: Good- then don't vote and then Obama will become president and I will laugh.
Summer: I like Huckabee. Why can't he be president?
Mommy: Because he didn't create enough buzz...
Ava: I want to be president so I can have another corndog.
Everyone: ***laughs hysterically
One. May 18, 2008
Have you ever questioned God? In the past year I have questioned HIM many many times...
I am aware of God's goodness... I see it around me daily... I live a blessed life...
But there is this part of me that wonders why God didn't just heal my brother... I mean wouldn't that have been a wonderful testimony of God's power and grace?
I keep going back and forth with my emotions... some days I think "okay Lord- I'm at peace with my brother being gone"... other days I think "why? why? why did YOU take him???"
Its so hard to come to grips with the fact that he is dead. He's never coming back. How can it be a year already? It feels like I said goodbye just yesterday...
I look at pictures and I reach out to them and I sob...
I want him back... I need him... a girl needs her big brother...
Time is suppose to heal all wounds... but how much time? and how can a wound like this ever heal?
I have never in my life felt a pain like this... At times its overwhelming... the ache in my heart hurts more than I ever thought possible...
and as much pain as i'm in...my daddy is hurting even more... I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to bury your best friend- your first born- a perfect child- an extraordinary man... when I look at my daddy, there is no joy in his eyes... he has moments of happiness, but they have been few and far between... and I can't seem to find any words to comfort him...
when my brother died our family was turned upside down... there is an emptiness in each of us- the sunday school answer is "let God fill that hole"... yes I understand that in a perfect world, we would miss him terribly but we would move on with our life... but we're only human- and this isn't a perfect world...
I think about him everyday... i replay conversations in my head... I close my eyes and see his beautiful hazel eyes... I lay my head on my pillow at night and I hear his laugh... I see a little bit of him in each of my children...
When will it get easier?
I love him . I miss him. I want him back...
I am aware of God's goodness... I see it around me daily... I live a blessed life...
But there is this part of me that wonders why God didn't just heal my brother... I mean wouldn't that have been a wonderful testimony of God's power and grace?
I keep going back and forth with my emotions... some days I think "okay Lord- I'm at peace with my brother being gone"... other days I think "why? why? why did YOU take him???"
Its so hard to come to grips with the fact that he is dead. He's never coming back. How can it be a year already? It feels like I said goodbye just yesterday...
I look at pictures and I reach out to them and I sob...
I want him back... I need him... a girl needs her big brother...
Time is suppose to heal all wounds... but how much time? and how can a wound like this ever heal?
I have never in my life felt a pain like this... At times its overwhelming... the ache in my heart hurts more than I ever thought possible...
and as much pain as i'm in...my daddy is hurting even more... I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to bury your best friend- your first born- a perfect child- an extraordinary man... when I look at my daddy, there is no joy in his eyes... he has moments of happiness, but they have been few and far between... and I can't seem to find any words to comfort him...
when my brother died our family was turned upside down... there is an emptiness in each of us- the sunday school answer is "let God fill that hole"... yes I understand that in a perfect world, we would miss him terribly but we would move on with our life... but we're only human- and this isn't a perfect world...
I think about him everyday... i replay conversations in my head... I close my eyes and see his beautiful hazel eyes... I lay my head on my pillow at night and I hear his laugh... I see a little bit of him in each of my children...
When will it get easier?
I love him . I miss him. I want him back...
God of Wonders March 24, 2008
One of my very best girlfriends came to visit me from San Antonio for a week- it was wonderful... she’s lovely and it was fantastic to see her and hang out...
On the way back from the airport Thomas and I had a conversation that was 8 years in the making...
There are things from my past that are shameful and sad and had burdened me since the very day I knew I loved my Sexy... So we had a conversation about forgiveness...
He knew about the things that pained me from long ago, they were just never an issue to him... however they have been breaking my heart for years now...
It is beyond me why of all the people in this big world, I end up with one of the most beautiful human beings that ever existed... I get the pleasure of growing old with this man... He loves me. For me. Wow.
Forgiveness is a precious thing... God’s forgiveness is there for the taking... you have but to ask for it... HIS grace humbles me.
I realized that the person I was seeking forgiveness from wasn’t God, it wasn’t Sexy, it was me...
It’s so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that God’s love for me is truly unconditional. That it is so big it can’t be contained... That the moment I asked for HIS forgiveness, it was forgiven. That the hurt and shame i’ve been carrying for years is because of me- I let the enemy convince me that there was grace and mercy for everyone but ME... That even though HE forgave it, it was so awful that I in some way continued to internally punish myself for it...I suppose there are many people who feel that way... Who feel like the horrible thing they have done is the one thing God can’t forgive or that HE does forgive it, but HE carries around the disappointment just like we do...
I wish i’d had this conversation 8 years ago... but I didn’t. Maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated HIS grace and love as much back then as I do now...
I always wondered what people felt when they proclaimed to have a "freedom in Christ"... I can see the warm glow from the light at the end of my tunnel... and it is magnificent...
On the way back from the airport Thomas and I had a conversation that was 8 years in the making...
There are things from my past that are shameful and sad and had burdened me since the very day I knew I loved my Sexy... So we had a conversation about forgiveness...
He knew about the things that pained me from long ago, they were just never an issue to him... however they have been breaking my heart for years now...
It is beyond me why of all the people in this big world, I end up with one of the most beautiful human beings that ever existed... I get the pleasure of growing old with this man... He loves me. For me. Wow.
Forgiveness is a precious thing... God’s forgiveness is there for the taking... you have but to ask for it... HIS grace humbles me.
I realized that the person I was seeking forgiveness from wasn’t God, it wasn’t Sexy, it was me...
It’s so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that God’s love for me is truly unconditional. That it is so big it can’t be contained... That the moment I asked for HIS forgiveness, it was forgiven. That the hurt and shame i’ve been carrying for years is because of me- I let the enemy convince me that there was grace and mercy for everyone but ME... That even though HE forgave it, it was so awful that I in some way continued to internally punish myself for it...I suppose there are many people who feel that way... Who feel like the horrible thing they have done is the one thing God can’t forgive or that HE does forgive it, but HE carries around the disappointment just like we do...
I wish i’d had this conversation 8 years ago... but I didn’t. Maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated HIS grace and love as much back then as I do now...
I always wondered what people felt when they proclaimed to have a "freedom in Christ"... I can see the warm glow from the light at the end of my tunnel... and it is magnificent...
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