You know that song by Bruno Mars, "Just the way you
are"... It's a sweet catchy love
song. From a boy to a girl telling her that she is amazing just the way she
is. I'm married to a guy like that. To a guy who literally every single day that
we have been together has told me he loves me and that I am beautiful. I know, I'm in awe too- I have no idea how a
girl like me got a guy like that!
I never thought of myself as one of those girls with the
massive body image issues- or the ones who self loath. I just always thought that I was a girl who
loved Jesus, who loved her family and friends, and they loved me back, but I
just didn't like the way I looked very much.
It was a huge deal- it made me sad- but I lived with it. I didn't really think that the reality of
that would ever change. Now that I think
about it, that is a pretty miserable way to live...
Like many women, I was super unhappy with my weight. I stand 5 foot tall and at my heaviest was
220lbs. I was out of breath walking up
stairs or checking the mail. I hated the
way I looked in clothes, shopping was painful for me- emotionally and
physically. I had a long list of health
issues that all stemmed from being morbidly obese.
July of last year, I had a sort of light bulb moment- I
decided that enough was enough- God wanted so much more for me than what I was
settling for. I was in bondage to my own
body. I began to seek out medical help
for my health issues and that started me on a journey to a healthy me. At my July doctor's appointment, my primary
care physician actually suggested I go to a weight loss surgery seminar. I was appalled- and offended. Clearly I
wasn't fat enough for that- how could he even suggest such a thing. After going home and doing some research- I
realized I was plenty fat for that. Not
only was I big enough weight wise, for the surgery, I was unbelievably
unhealthy and that made me a good candidate.
I decided to go to the seminar.
As far as size goes, I was one of the "smallest" people there,
but I was the absolute unhealthiest.
Diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, sleep apnea, gerd, and a heart
condition. After much prayer, I decided
to pursue the idea of getting a gastric bypass.
I wasn't completely sold on the thought, but because I qualified through
my insurance, it opened up opportunities for me to see a dietician, an exercise
specialist and to continue going to monthly appointments where I would get tips
and tricks from the experts on healthy eating and weight loss. In my mind, even if the surgery wasn't for
me, I was going to be learning so much valuable information- i was determined
to keep going to all the appointments. I
ended up completely changing my eating habits and getting control of my
emotional and mental food issues. From
July to December I lost 40lbs! I was
feeling better, but I wasn't quite where I wanted to be. Despite all my efforts, the blood pressure
and diabetes was still present. By this
time I had to schedule a surgery date so I could keep going to all the
appointments- so that's what I did. I
kept fighting with myself back and forth about whether or not it was the right
decision for me. My biggest hang up was
that I was feeling like a failure. Why
couldn't I just do this on my own? Why
couldn't I just succeed at this weight loss thing? Other people have done it, I got so far, but
yet I had so much further to go. Was I
just giving up by deciding to have surgery? Was it going to be seen as an "easy way
out"? It came to a point where I
had to just be selfish- I had to stop worrying about how others may or may not
agree with MY decision- I had prayed about this and had a sweet peace about it,
so I needed to do what was right for me.
On December 10, 2012 I checked into the hospital and had a gastric
bypass. I didn't even tell my
family! I waited until I was in recovery
and then gave them all a phone call one by one.
That probably wasn't the best way to handle things, and I wouldn't
recommend going that route. I just
didn't want anyone’s input about it anymore- i just wanted to do it for me- and
so I did. My surgery was on a Monday,
and on Wednesday when I left the hospital, the diabetes and high blood pressure
were completely gone.
Pre-surgery I would pour over forums and websites about
weight loss surgery- I read everything I could on it. I would pose questions on discussion boards
and I followed bloggers who had been through it. I would read how hundreds and hundreds of
people would describe having this surgery as "The beginning of my new
life." I remember thinking to
myself that making a statement like that was a lofty claim...all the while
secretly hoping that I could experience that kind of freedom and awakening in
my own life.
It turns out- it was all true- for me anyway. Surgery is different for every person, but
for me, this surgery saved my life. It
has allowed me to add years and years onto my life. I am healthy and vibrant and active. I look younger, I feel younger. I don't feel like i'm walking around as a
shell of a person anymore.
During this process, what I found out is that weight loss
surgery isn't the "easy way out".
It's actually HARD work to maintain a healthy lifestyle post
surgery. It takes a lot of will power
and discipline to make good food choices.
I have to be purposeful and intentional about every bit of food that I
put into my body.
This post isn't about advocating for people to run out and
get weight loss surgery. It's just a
part of my own story. I've had the
privilege to talk to many many women who had toyed with the idea of surgery but
were scared or just unsure. By being
open and honest about what i've done to lose weight, it has opened the avenue
to have some intense intimate discussions about not only weight loss, but God-
and His desire for His children to be healthy and full of the Joy of the
Lord.
I've been asked more than a dozen times, "would you do
it again?" My answer every single
time is YES.
The goodness of God is every present and I see it poured out
on me daily- and I am so thankful for it!
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