aging gracefully... sounds blissful doesn't it? what does that even mean? so as my 34th birthday hunts me down like a pack of wild hyenas after the Lion King, i'm finding myself thinking about this phrase "aging gracefully" more and more... i'm almost losing sleep over it... i'm realizing that i feel like i'm the total opposite of said phrase and its making me a grumpy pants :/
case in point: this morning i was on the computer, checking emails, fb'ing, reading the news- my normal morning stuff, when all of a sudden i hear music- it's the song i have as my mamma's ringtone, so i thought she was calling. So i jump up from the computer desk, I nearly break a hip because the handle of the chair is wedged underneath the glass desk, all the while balancing out a flat screen monitor that nearly topples over, i dart towards the bedroom, and realize my phone is in my hand- and its not ringing! I walk back to the computer and the song that was playing was from the music player on my blog. If this were any other day, i may have laughed till i peed my pants, but today isn't just any day. Today is Wednesday, and i've been thinking about this getting older business for several days now. So today, when i almost destroyed the computer area by leaping out of my seat as graceful as a geriatric gazelle, the situation at hand was not funny- not funny at all.
do you ever feel like you are losing your mind?
do you walk into a room, full speed ahead, on a mission- and then spend the next 15 minutes trying to remember what that oh so important mission was?
do you run around your house frantically looking for keys that are in your hand or your pocket?
have you ever dialed a phone number, the person answers and you blank out- you forgot who you called?
Gosh i hope its not just me... i'm going to choose to blame all of this on menopause... 33 year olds aren't suppose to be thrust into this wonderful stage of life, til they are a seasoned older woman- i didn't have a choice- my inside lady parts decided to revolt and because they have a medical degree, and mine is in criminal justice- i decided to listen to my doctors and opt for a total hysterectomy... so here i am. a 33 year old who feels like a 70 year old. hot flashes, short term memory loss, taking my shot of metamucil every morning, boobs that are heading south faster than a college student trying to get to Cancun for spring break... ughhhh.
I have a blessed life, so i'm not going to complain "too" much ;) its just that, i feel way too young to be going through some of these things, and this is my blog- so i can write whatever i want!
Thank you for listening to me rant- but if you want to make me feel better, leave a comment assuring me that what i'm going through is just a phase, or just stress from moving, or blame it on menopause or just say something witty that will make me giggle...
love- Angy
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
spontaneous combustion
First and foremost, I MUST give praise to my God- He is so good to us- to me- to my family. The best decision i have ever made was giving my life to Christ 11 years ago.
Some pretty amazing things have been happening in our household!
There is a true hero, a man by the name of Troy Yocum, he is a disabled Iraq Vet, and he hikes across the US to raise awareness, and funds, for military families and veterans. His website can be found here: www.drumhike.com He has partnered with a wonderful organization called "Wish Upon a Hero". Troy grants "wishes" to military families. I went to their website, made a wish- and Troy hand picked us to have that wish granted. http://www.wishuponahero.com/wishes/?id=869083 thats the link to the wish i made... In less than 3 days, Troy was able to raise over a $1000 and his foundation purchased a giant playset for Roo from Lowes! Its being delivered in just a few days. Just yesterday, Troy and his wife and their 2 adorable dogs, pit stopped in Orlando to speak at the American Legion and meet our family. Roo was a big part of yesterday's event and even got up in front of the crowd and read a thank you letter that he wrote to Mr. Troy.
As the events of the day unfolded, my heart was heavy- i was feeling burdened for veterans specifically. I couldn't shake that feeling all day long... I've been praying so hard that God will tell me what to do with my free time while the kiddos are in school- I want to productive, I want to be impactful, I want to reflect Jesus to people in a meaningful way... I'm passionate about missions and serving- this I know. It takes some people their entire lives to figure out what their "destiny" is, but i've known mine since I was a little girl. But yesterday, God did something in my spirit- in my heart- HE revealed to me, that I can combine my passions and have a real impact on His kingdom... When we think of missions, we all picture going overseas- feeding the hungry in Africa, building water tanks in Nicaragua, preaching to the lost in India- those kinds of things- but God has done this new thing in me, He has changed my view of what "missions" is- FOR ME. It is still all those overseas things, but beyond that, anything outside the doors of my own home is a mission field! Some of you may be thinking "duh Angy"! Well, sometimes, i'm slow, or rebellious, or just don't pay attention, and it takes me a little longer to come to these conclusions :)
After hearing the staggering statistics about the suicide rate of Veterans sky rocketing year after year, and hearing stories of soldiers, young and old, coming home from the war and not be able to reintegrate into every day life due to the horrific things they've seen and been through... it all came together for me... and it happened in front of a room full of people and it was so overwhelming that all i could do was weep... It happened yesterday while our countries National Anthem was being sung at the Hike for Our Heroes event.
It is no coincidence that out of every place i've ever lived, right here in Florida has the biggest need in regards to Veteran homelessness. There are serving opportunities everywhere, and more than that, I can still be a missionary by reflecting Jesus to those I serve and helping to build God's kingdom through service and servanthood.
It baffles me daily, that God chooses to use me in any way- it is humbling to know that the Creator of the Universe wants to use me in His perfect plan... I'm so excited to begin this new adventure, and to be an ambassador of Jesus while doing what I love to do!
The very first event I will be volunteering at is taking place this Saturday- Thomas and I will serve side by side at the Cocoa National Guard Armory- the link for that event is here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=157458184305049
Praise God for His mercy, for His grace- for having patience for people like me who a take little longer than others do, to figure out what magnificent thing He has in store for them...
What is it that God is stirring your heart to do? Share your blessing and leave a comment :)
Some pretty amazing things have been happening in our household!
There is a true hero, a man by the name of Troy Yocum, he is a disabled Iraq Vet, and he hikes across the US to raise awareness, and funds, for military families and veterans. His website can be found here: www.drumhike.com He has partnered with a wonderful organization called "Wish Upon a Hero". Troy grants "wishes" to military families. I went to their website, made a wish- and Troy hand picked us to have that wish granted. http://www.wishuponahero.com/wishes/?id=869083 thats the link to the wish i made... In less than 3 days, Troy was able to raise over a $1000 and his foundation purchased a giant playset for Roo from Lowes! Its being delivered in just a few days. Just yesterday, Troy and his wife and their 2 adorable dogs, pit stopped in Orlando to speak at the American Legion and meet our family. Roo was a big part of yesterday's event and even got up in front of the crowd and read a thank you letter that he wrote to Mr. Troy.
As the events of the day unfolded, my heart was heavy- i was feeling burdened for veterans specifically. I couldn't shake that feeling all day long... I've been praying so hard that God will tell me what to do with my free time while the kiddos are in school- I want to productive, I want to be impactful, I want to reflect Jesus to people in a meaningful way... I'm passionate about missions and serving- this I know. It takes some people their entire lives to figure out what their "destiny" is, but i've known mine since I was a little girl. But yesterday, God did something in my spirit- in my heart- HE revealed to me, that I can combine my passions and have a real impact on His kingdom... When we think of missions, we all picture going overseas- feeding the hungry in Africa, building water tanks in Nicaragua, preaching to the lost in India- those kinds of things- but God has done this new thing in me, He has changed my view of what "missions" is- FOR ME. It is still all those overseas things, but beyond that, anything outside the doors of my own home is a mission field! Some of you may be thinking "duh Angy"! Well, sometimes, i'm slow, or rebellious, or just don't pay attention, and it takes me a little longer to come to these conclusions :)
After hearing the staggering statistics about the suicide rate of Veterans sky rocketing year after year, and hearing stories of soldiers, young and old, coming home from the war and not be able to reintegrate into every day life due to the horrific things they've seen and been through... it all came together for me... and it happened in front of a room full of people and it was so overwhelming that all i could do was weep... It happened yesterday while our countries National Anthem was being sung at the Hike for Our Heroes event.
It is no coincidence that out of every place i've ever lived, right here in Florida has the biggest need in regards to Veteran homelessness. There are serving opportunities everywhere, and more than that, I can still be a missionary by reflecting Jesus to those I serve and helping to build God's kingdom through service and servanthood.
It baffles me daily, that God chooses to use me in any way- it is humbling to know that the Creator of the Universe wants to use me in His perfect plan... I'm so excited to begin this new adventure, and to be an ambassador of Jesus while doing what I love to do!
The very first event I will be volunteering at is taking place this Saturday- Thomas and I will serve side by side at the Cocoa National Guard Armory- the link for that event is here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=157458184305049
Praise God for His mercy, for His grace- for having patience for people like me who a take little longer than others do, to figure out what magnificent thing He has in store for them...
What is it that God is stirring your heart to do? Share your blessing and leave a comment :)
Friday, March 11, 2011
starting from scratch....
You all know (and love) our special little boy Roo... He is UNIQUE! We have been dealing with doctors for the past few years trying to get a solid diagnosis so that we can help him be more successful in school and in life- if you don't know what the problem is, how can you find the solution right? Roo has had undergone a slew of tests since he was 5 years old. He's gone from doctor to doctor each agreeing on certain aspects of what the bigger issue with him is, some of them disagreeing and proposing different theories... However today- today we saw a real doctor. A doctor who REALLY listened- who really observed- who asked tons of questions and cared about our answers- who actually conversated with Roo and spent time with him. A doctor who thoroughly went over every single piece of his medical history and listened to our concerns.
I've been dreading/anticipating this appointment for the past several days- I literally did not sleep last night- I laid in bed staring at the ceiling going through different scenarios of what the next morning would be like. Wondering how the appointment would go, wondering how this doctor would be any different than all the others- and praying- praying out loud to God that He would have His hand in every second of the appointment and that He would direct this doctor to the proper outcome in regards to Roo and his diagnosis... And HE did.
A handful of doctors and counselors have been testing Roo for autism- we were all so sure that he was more specifically in the category of Aspergers- as any parent of a child with special needs, you know that you don't just go to a doctor or two and "tada" you have the answer. This whole thing has been a process- a LONG, exhausting, emotional process.
So today- walking into that doctor's office, my hope didn't lie in the hands of that doctor, my hope was in Jesus. I just wanted to find out what makes my sweet little boy so special.
Today we learned that Roo suffers from a severe anxiety disorder, and a mild form of Tourette syndrome. We were already aware of his OCD, and ADHD but these new diagnosis were quite a shock.
Roo has "tics", but I always thought that was a part of his OCD & the aspergers- those things can sometimes go hand in hand...
Anxiety? Really? of all the things, Anxiety? So as this brilliant doctor is explaining these things to Thomas and I, I have an overwhelming sense of peace- and I just wanted to burst into tears all at the same time.
Do you have any idea how much time, effort and energy i've spent researching autism? The countless hours i've spent on the phone with school boards, and superintendents, and guidance counselors- the back to back IEP meetings... and now- we start from scratch.... *sigh*
This entire time we could have been learning strategies to help Roo with what the real issue is...
I'm frustrated, and excited, and relieved all at once.
Thank you to every single one of you have loved Roo despite his differences- who have invested time with him, who have cultivated relationships with my little guy, and especially to those of you have consistently lifted him up in prayer-
I'm so thankful to serve a God who is faithful and sovereign and who loves Roo even more than I do- which is something i cannot even begin to comprehend. I cried out to Jesus and He heard me and we are on our way to getting the right kind of help for my baby boy.
I've been dreading/anticipating this appointment for the past several days- I literally did not sleep last night- I laid in bed staring at the ceiling going through different scenarios of what the next morning would be like. Wondering how the appointment would go, wondering how this doctor would be any different than all the others- and praying- praying out loud to God that He would have His hand in every second of the appointment and that He would direct this doctor to the proper outcome in regards to Roo and his diagnosis... And HE did.
A handful of doctors and counselors have been testing Roo for autism- we were all so sure that he was more specifically in the category of Aspergers- as any parent of a child with special needs, you know that you don't just go to a doctor or two and "tada" you have the answer. This whole thing has been a process- a LONG, exhausting, emotional process.
So today- walking into that doctor's office, my hope didn't lie in the hands of that doctor, my hope was in Jesus. I just wanted to find out what makes my sweet little boy so special.
Today we learned that Roo suffers from a severe anxiety disorder, and a mild form of Tourette syndrome. We were already aware of his OCD, and ADHD but these new diagnosis were quite a shock.
Roo has "tics", but I always thought that was a part of his OCD & the aspergers- those things can sometimes go hand in hand...
Anxiety? Really? of all the things, Anxiety? So as this brilliant doctor is explaining these things to Thomas and I, I have an overwhelming sense of peace- and I just wanted to burst into tears all at the same time.
Do you have any idea how much time, effort and energy i've spent researching autism? The countless hours i've spent on the phone with school boards, and superintendents, and guidance counselors- the back to back IEP meetings... and now- we start from scratch.... *sigh*
This entire time we could have been learning strategies to help Roo with what the real issue is...
I'm frustrated, and excited, and relieved all at once.
Thank you to every single one of you have loved Roo despite his differences- who have invested time with him, who have cultivated relationships with my little guy, and especially to those of you have consistently lifted him up in prayer-
I'm so thankful to serve a God who is faithful and sovereign and who loves Roo even more than I do- which is something i cannot even begin to comprehend. I cried out to Jesus and He heard me and we are on our way to getting the right kind of help for my baby boy.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
One of "those" days...
Today i'm having to reach deep down inside to pull out some goodness- ya know, one of those days, where you wake up with an overwhelming feeling of sadness, or loneliness, or "what if's"... today is that day for me... so i'm having to buckle down, pray it away, and remember that the Creator of the Universe has called me CHOSEN- that i'm HIS daughter.
The past few days have been intense for us. Ava out of nowhere spiked a fever- it went from 101, to 102.7, to 103.6- and that was after staggering tylenol and motrin. I had to figure out where to take her, since we haven't had a medical crisis while living her yet- some girlfriends in my hubby's shop gave me the details, along with my baby sister's genius computer skills, i found a hospital and headed there quick. My concern stemmed from Ava's heart condition and her having dental work done last week. People with heart conditions are at high risk for infection when it comes to dental work- its complicated and not super important to the point i'm trying to make- sooo... I get her to the ER and after a couple hours the doctor gives us some news. She has an ear infection- but the bigger issue is her ginormous tonsils. He then proceeds to ask a series of questions about snoring, allergies, how petite she is, is she delayed in school progress... then Ava chokes and stops breathing right there in the room in front of the doctor! She was exhausted and had fallen asleep. The doctor shakes her and she readjusts herself and goes back to sleep- he says "do you know what just happened?" i say "well, she kind of was just snoring super loud and had to catch a good breathe and then she fell back asleep?".... the doctor then explains what has REALLY happened- and i proceed to feel like an idiot and a horrible sense of guilt begins to settle in the pit of my stomach and it felt as if a horse had just kicked me in my gut... Ava has been choking on her tonsils and has stopped breathing repeatedly for quite some time- we're talking at least 2 years that i can remember. Of course this entire time she has been seen my the lovely Air Force doctors who have never noticed that she has abnormally large tonsils, whether she is ill or not. The doctor proceeds to explain that this medical issue can stunt a child's growth... awesome.... now it feels as if the horse was just replaced with an elephant and my heart is being stomped on! Ava is now on antibiotics to get her body "clean" to prepare her for surgery- we are seeing ENT next week and from there she will be scheduled for surgery.
This blog isn't just about venting- i realized something spectacular in the midst of all of this junk- God is still good!!!
Most of you know that while living in Wyoming I was a hot mess- we're talking sick as a dog, almost 24-7. I couldn't breathe- literally i was barely moving oxygen- I was exhausted most of the time, on upwards of 10 different meds daily...
Fast forward to God's grace being poured over us and we are now in Florida- where i am well! I can breathe- i'm weaned off almost all my meds- i'm well on my way to being healthy!
Praise God for allowing Ava's condition to come to light NOW, so that i'm in a position as her mommy to be able to give 100% to her recovery and rehabilitation! God is crazy and perfect and most days I yell and scream and don't agree with HIS timing, but ultimately, He knows exactly what He's doing!
So even though, today is "one of those days", i'm still encouraged because i serve a God who is on the throne and at work in my life- even when i least deserve it, I am still HIS favorite- and so are you :)
The past few days have been intense for us. Ava out of nowhere spiked a fever- it went from 101, to 102.7, to 103.6- and that was after staggering tylenol and motrin. I had to figure out where to take her, since we haven't had a medical crisis while living her yet- some girlfriends in my hubby's shop gave me the details, along with my baby sister's genius computer skills, i found a hospital and headed there quick. My concern stemmed from Ava's heart condition and her having dental work done last week. People with heart conditions are at high risk for infection when it comes to dental work- its complicated and not super important to the point i'm trying to make- sooo... I get her to the ER and after a couple hours the doctor gives us some news. She has an ear infection- but the bigger issue is her ginormous tonsils. He then proceeds to ask a series of questions about snoring, allergies, how petite she is, is she delayed in school progress... then Ava chokes and stops breathing right there in the room in front of the doctor! She was exhausted and had fallen asleep. The doctor shakes her and she readjusts herself and goes back to sleep- he says "do you know what just happened?" i say "well, she kind of was just snoring super loud and had to catch a good breathe and then she fell back asleep?".... the doctor then explains what has REALLY happened- and i proceed to feel like an idiot and a horrible sense of guilt begins to settle in the pit of my stomach and it felt as if a horse had just kicked me in my gut... Ava has been choking on her tonsils and has stopped breathing repeatedly for quite some time- we're talking at least 2 years that i can remember. Of course this entire time she has been seen my the lovely Air Force doctors who have never noticed that she has abnormally large tonsils, whether she is ill or not. The doctor proceeds to explain that this medical issue can stunt a child's growth... awesome.... now it feels as if the horse was just replaced with an elephant and my heart is being stomped on! Ava is now on antibiotics to get her body "clean" to prepare her for surgery- we are seeing ENT next week and from there she will be scheduled for surgery.
This blog isn't just about venting- i realized something spectacular in the midst of all of this junk- God is still good!!!
Most of you know that while living in Wyoming I was a hot mess- we're talking sick as a dog, almost 24-7. I couldn't breathe- literally i was barely moving oxygen- I was exhausted most of the time, on upwards of 10 different meds daily...
Fast forward to God's grace being poured over us and we are now in Florida- where i am well! I can breathe- i'm weaned off almost all my meds- i'm well on my way to being healthy!
Praise God for allowing Ava's condition to come to light NOW, so that i'm in a position as her mommy to be able to give 100% to her recovery and rehabilitation! God is crazy and perfect and most days I yell and scream and don't agree with HIS timing, but ultimately, He knows exactly what He's doing!
So even though, today is "one of those days", i'm still encouraged because i serve a God who is on the throne and at work in my life- even when i least deserve it, I am still HIS favorite- and so are you :)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
40 before 40 :) (inspired by a friends blog titled "50 before 50"
So i was watching a show the other day and one of the character's said his age out loud- and i caught myself gasping... he said he was 36... you ever heard of the term "aha moment"? Well i had a "fall of the couch" moment! In April of this year i will be 34! In just 6 years i will be 40! Whoa! In my early teen years i had all these hopes and dreams and fantasies of where I wanted my life to be when i was an "old" lady of 40... The realization of my getting older is causing me to reflect on that "list" i once had... some of those things were silly, some not so silly... some of those things i'm actually living out, and some of those items I can happily check off my list... I wanted to be blissfully, happily married- check! I wanted to have 6 children- ummm, i'm totally okay with the 4 wonderful kiddos i have- so check! I wanted to have a degree of some sort- check! I wanted to be living somewhere tropical- check! (sorta!) I wanted to run a marathon- that one is a work in progress, I wanted to go on an overseas mission trip-check! I wanted to visit the Philippines with my family- I'll be actively working on that one!
I've decided to put a new "list" together- thought i'd share some of it with you- I love putting things out into cyber world for all to see- it gives me a sense of being held accountable to what i say... just some things i would like to accomplish before the big 40th birthday hits- so here it is:
*to have a real honeymoon/vacation with just me and the Sexy
*to have run a marathon- no matter how fast or slow, but to just complete it!
*to successfully coordinate a large group mission trip overseas and see that project to completion
*to be comfortable enough in my own skin to sport a swimsuit at the beach (not the moo moo kind)
*to at least begin the process to publish my first children's book
*to fluently learn to speak the native language of my dearest Lola, and to have a real conversation with her in that language
*to be at a place financially that we can tithe more than just 10% of our income
*to build a meaningful relationship with my big brother's daughters- my sweet nieces, no matter how much it may hurt
*to go on a cruise with my Hogan bunch, my parents and my siblings and their families...
*to memorize and be able to recite 50 scriptures verses ("Jesus wept" doesn't count)
*to have served *at least* once a month at some sort of outreach project with my children
those are just a few...
so i'm curious... what would be on your list? care to share a couple?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Inspired.
Today a dear friend did a very brave thing.... without going into too much detail, this wonderfully amazing person i've known since i was a kid, took a leap of faith, and decided to get her life back on track by going into a 7 month long rehab program...
Several days ago, I had this profound dream where i felt like God was revealing things to me in the most loving of ways... I was watching family outing taking place, i could see myself, my kids, the Sexy, my entire family was there- many of my friends... but the insane thing was- the Angy that i was looking at had my face, my crazy curly hair, my signature dimples- but the body didn't match- this person was beautiful- ... I remember being confused at first, and sort of distressed in my dream- as i was watching this beautiful, loving family engage in laughter and conversation, I couldn't figure out why the person I thought was me, wasn't me- but just as i was really feeling overwhelmed by the emotion of what i was seeing, I felt the presence of Jesus just wash over me. There were no words exchanged between Him and I- He "spoke" to me heart, my spirit and I understood. I was looking at the woman that He sees me as.
For those of you who know me very very well- you've probably heard my testimony of being a recovering bulimic. But just because that addiction/illness doesn't hold me bondage anymore, doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with self esteem issues. I'm a woman. I'm a woman who's married to an unbelievably dashing and handsome man- I live in Florida and on a daily basis see women jogging in bikinis and spandex... I'm a woman.
So back to my the first part of the story- my friend reached out to me yesterday and simply said "You are the most spiritual person I know, and I just wanted to ask you if you would keep me in your prayers as I check myself into rehab. I'm scared, but i'm so excited for this new beginning." wow.
God's been stirring my spirit for a long while now about the way i treat the temple that houses his Holy spirit- MY BODY. He revealed something profound to me in this dream, and then a few days later my dear friend reaches out to me in this way.
I love how God is a God of second chances... He's lovingly showing me that He wants me to make changes, and I'm going to obey.
Tonight I ran. Not far- not fast- but I ran. And I will keep running- and I will make better choices when it come to my "temple"...
I don't expect anyone to follow or read this blog... its mostly just for me- to keep me accountable- to give me a place to vent- and praise- and express...
So here goes... I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!
A Gift... July 20, 2009
I recieved the most wonderful gift today. My sister in law Patty, sent a package to my parents house. Inside were many of my big brother's most treasured possesions...
His winter fireman's coat... leather saddlebags from his Harley... several of his leather riding coats... chaps... and a raggedy t-shirt that means the world to me...
A couple weeks before my brother died, we got matching tattoos... when it was my turn to get inked, i realized i was going to have to rip apart my shirt to get it to go down around my waist so i could get tatted up... it was either that or disrobe completely, and being the big brother that he was, TJ was absolutely not letting me take my top off! So he gave me the shirt off his back and ripped out the shoulder and basically turned it into a tube top for me... when he passed away, more than anything, I wanted that shirt. It symbolized so much to me... how loving he was, how giving, how silly, how protective of me as his baby sister... I needed that shirt.
Two years, and many many tears later, I have the shirt. I could feel Jesus wrapping his arms around me as I pulled that shirt out of the box. Have you ever felt that? That feeling is indescribable...
I grabbed one of his favorite leather coats and ran my fingers over the dirt and mud... I put my hands in one of the pockets and felt something... then as if to tell my daddy how much he loves him- out fell my brother's purple bandana... still stinky and crumbled up and tied perfectly to fit around his head... wow. My mamma and daddy just hugged each other tightly and sobbed.
My dad put on one of my brother's coats and nearly collapsed with emotion... I held my daddy as we both wept... there were some tears of sorrow- but there were many tears of joy- and tears of relief- but mostly there were tears because God is sovereign- and He gave us a gift today that will have a huge part in healing this family... finally.
To Patty: Thank you so very much for sending that box. It means everything to us. I will be forever grateful to you for parting with those items...
His winter fireman's coat... leather saddlebags from his Harley... several of his leather riding coats... chaps... and a raggedy t-shirt that means the world to me...
A couple weeks before my brother died, we got matching tattoos... when it was my turn to get inked, i realized i was going to have to rip apart my shirt to get it to go down around my waist so i could get tatted up... it was either that or disrobe completely, and being the big brother that he was, TJ was absolutely not letting me take my top off! So he gave me the shirt off his back and ripped out the shoulder and basically turned it into a tube top for me... when he passed away, more than anything, I wanted that shirt. It symbolized so much to me... how loving he was, how giving, how silly, how protective of me as his baby sister... I needed that shirt.
Two years, and many many tears later, I have the shirt. I could feel Jesus wrapping his arms around me as I pulled that shirt out of the box. Have you ever felt that? That feeling is indescribable...
I grabbed one of his favorite leather coats and ran my fingers over the dirt and mud... I put my hands in one of the pockets and felt something... then as if to tell my daddy how much he loves him- out fell my brother's purple bandana... still stinky and crumbled up and tied perfectly to fit around his head... wow. My mamma and daddy just hugged each other tightly and sobbed.
My dad put on one of my brother's coats and nearly collapsed with emotion... I held my daddy as we both wept... there were some tears of sorrow- but there were many tears of joy- and tears of relief- but mostly there were tears because God is sovereign- and He gave us a gift today that will have a huge part in healing this family... finally.
To Patty: Thank you so very much for sending that box. It means everything to us. I will be forever grateful to you for parting with those items...
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