For my entire life I have fought against being a "girly girl". I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I grew up riding horses, shooting guns, and going muddin' on four wheelers. Maybe it was because my daddy was my hero, and my big brother was my best friend. Or because I preferred my guy friends to my girl friends in school. Or maybe it was because I never felt pretty, and it was easier to gravitate to that bad girl image and go totally against the grain. Whatever it was, I never thought of myself as a "girly girl"...until now.
To date, I have lost about 100 lbs. Who knew that shedding so much weight could change so much about who I see myself as and how I feel about me? I certainly didn't expect it. I thought that I would feel better, maybe even feel pretty, but I didn't expect this total inner transformation. But that is exactly what has happened.
Being able to run and play with my kids is marvelous. Going up and down flights of stairs without being winded, that's fantastic. Putting on a pair of size 5 jeans- phenomenal. Hearing my husband tell me I look beautiful, and believing every word he says- indescribable. But something else has happened. I'm discovering that the way I chose to dress and style myself before the weight loss, that just wasn't "me". It's interesting to see the things that I get excited about when i'm out shopping now. For instance, yesterday the Sexy and I went to Good Will and I scored some wonderful pieces of clothing that had me smiling from ear to ear! A little plaid mod sleeveless dress with big front pockets and 2 vintage full skirts. When I came home and tried on my new finds, I was giggly! I love how I look in clothes now, but its the style of clothes that I like that is so bizarre to me. I'm realizing that I always wanted to dress this way and look like this but I didn't have the confidence to pull it off. Well, theres nothing I can do about all those wasted years of low self esteem. But now, now that I love and appreciate me, I'm going to wear what I want and not give a darn what other people think.
So here I am, day after day, finding excuses to wear my cute little dresses. Always sure to put on a little bronzer and lip gloss before I leave the house... smiling back at the reflection I see in the mirror... This is my wish for every woman, to just love who she is. It's a shame that it took losing 100 lbs for me to feel this way, but I don't beat myself up over it. I worked way too hard to let guilt steal my joy!
So come on, get happy... I know I am :)
